Riders Ready

Fig Newtons

2012-01-29T15:19:00.002-06:00

They changed the packaging. For years and years, Fig Newtons were packaged in two cellophane sleeves. Lined up back to front, each Newton was spooning the one next to it. The package wasn't re-sealable; you just had to fold the ends over and know that the next time you came back to it, the first one would have a crusty shell. But it was OK. We survived.
Grape Nuts used to come in a package WITHOUT a liner altogether. Just a bunch of nuts running wild in a tightly sealed cardboard box (reminds me of my college living arrangements).
But the Fig Newtons at least had the sleeve - I guess it was put there to let you know when you were half done.
And every now and then, you'd notice that one of the Newtons had turned inside the sleeve. Just 90 degrees. Just enough to stand out. Just enough to make me appreciate that it had a little attitude. I mean, in a mechanized process that consistently places each cookie in the sleeve oriented correctly, it astounded me that one could find the energy to turn itself. Cheeky bastard. You go, man! Don't let "The Man" force you into conforming. Be your own . . . cookie.
Well, apparently Fig Newton got tired of individuality among its cookies, so it changed the packaging to prevent such behavior. They did it under the guise of "re-sealability", but we know better.

Unhappy Fans?

2012-01-13T18:29:00.002-06:00

Growing up in Detroit makes me a Lions fan by default. I'm not a bandwagon-type fan; I've been a casual observer for YEARS. I've been to only two games in my lifetime, and I've never owned/wore an NFL jersey. For years and years, my autumnal Sunday routine has always been to go for a long bike ride and then spend the afternoon watching the hapless Lions discover new and creative ways to lose. They've been consistent losers for my entire life having only 5 seasons with 10+ wins since 1960. A few years ago, they made NFL history by losing every game on the schedule.
This year, they turned the corner. They magically exceeded all pre-season predictions. They won 10 games and made it to the playoffs. They were exciting to watch. They had some thrilling moments. They also lost out in the first round of the playoffs.
And to listen to the sports talk radio shows in this town, you'd think they went 0-16 again.
First of all, I'm sorry to admit that I occasionally listen to sports radio. I only do it to feel smarter.
Everyone in this town - or I should say, everyone who made it on the air, had something biting and negative to say about the season. Everyone had suggestions on how to fix the problem. Almost every single caller (and host, for that matter) bitched and moaned and complained about everything under the sun. The defensive coordinator should be hanged in Grand Circus Park. They have no running game. They should trade the entire offensive line. Get a new quarterback. Trade Megatron. (Seriously, that was brought up a LOT.)
I never heard anyone say this: "it was an exciting season to watch, and that's all I asked for."
Nobody looked forward to next year.
Nope. The general consensus that I heard was that the season was a disappointment. It was a barrage of negative criticism that lasted the entire week following their collapse against the Saints.
Maybe that's just how football fans are in general. Maybe everyone is miserable except the team that wins the Super Bowl. Seems pretty sad to me that they're completely unable to enjoy the good things that happened in a record-setting year. What are you supposed to get out of being a sports fan if that's your reaction to a winning season?
Imagine if this is how bike racing fans felt during bike racing season. Imagine if every time Garmin-Cervelo (now Barracuda) lost a race.
"They need to trade Tyler Farrar."
"Vaughters needs to go."
"They need to clean house."
"What is the deal with VDV? Ever since his contract was extended, he's been phoning it in."
"Do you think they should get rid of Zabriskie and maybe to go after another time trialist?"
Shoot me now.
I'll gladly fly to France, stand along a road for 6 hours, scream at them as they roll past, and not give a damn who wins.
Once again, I think cycling does it right.

Taking a break.

2012-01-09T18:28:00.003-06:00

If I were to spin this story if I worked for, say, a government entity, it would go like this:
In an effort to allow my mind to fully refresh and recover from the intense thought that comes with completing two full books within a few weeks of each other, I have decided to take some well-deserved time away from the computer keyboard.
The truth (pictured) is a little less glamorous. I can't type very well.

Book #3

2011-12-24T07:09:00.006-06:00

I wonder how real writers\authors do it. How do they write books?
I'm guessing that they are much more efficient than I. They probably use something fancy like an outline or something. They probably go into it with some idea of the structure. I'm betting that they know what their book is going to look like long before they type the first sentence.
I have a very loose idea of the general look and feel that I'm aiming for when I start a book, but I don't even come close it with the final product. For instance, Roadie started in my head as a 25-volume set of humorous encyclopedias on the topic of bike racing but ended up as a thick pamphlet.
Book #2 (as yet untitled) started as a humorous "War and Peace" for kids. A 752-page romp through the cycling world through the eyes of a 14-year-old. But somehow 750-pages is a little ambitious for a romp, so I scaled it back to about the size of a thick pamphlet.
I was a little more realistic when i sat down to write Book #3. It began as a thick pamphlet which I stretched out (by enlarging the font) to something more hefty, about as thick as a Nikon owner's manual.
Stay tuned. It's a good one.
The process I use is probably wrong. I just write. And when I get to a certain number of words, say 60,000, I look at what I have and decide if that's long enough. If not, I keep going. When I reach a comfortable number of words, then I go back through and cut out everything that doesn't sound right. It's a lot easier than you might think.
Oh sure, I jot down some notes. I have certain points that I need to hit, but otherwise, it's just a challenge to see how many words I can get into a single Word document. Then cut some out.
Book #2 was a narrative story, so I should have had some idea of where it was going. I didn't, but I should have. We'll see if the publisher notices.
Book #3 is more like Roadie, a collection of humorous lessons, thoughts, and anecdotes on the topic of relationships.
Yep, you read that right.
It's short by design. I stopped writing when I reached 20,000 words (approx. 80 pages) and then trimmed it back to about 19,500. Amazingly, I could only find 500 words that didn't sound right.
If you notice the books in the humor section of your local bookshop (if it hasn't been boarded up by now), you'll see that they're pretty small. Many of them are the size of a Nikon owner's manual. Mine will fit right in.
Now while I'm sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear from VeloPress regarding Book #2, I'm beginning an even tougher process of finding a publisher for #3.
Stay tuned. Should be a fun 2012.

Book #2

2011-12-08T21:17:00.003-06:00

When I sat down and wrote Roadie, I had no plans to become a writer; I still wanted to be an astronaut or a game show host. I only wrote it to see if it could be done. Seriously. I didn't look any further than getting it on store shelves. But then it did well. It won the Michigan Notable Book award in 2009. It sold. Suddenly, I found my calling.
So, what next?
I had a couple of conversations with the people at VeloPress about what the next project should be. I suggested a cycling-related book that they had no interest in. Apparently, a romantic comedy western wasn't on their radar. Instead, they wanted a book aimed at younger readers. The 'tweeners'. Apparently, there's a shortage of sports books for that age group. Supernatural vampire ghost romance novels?? Plenty. Sports? Not as much.
On top of that, VeloPress has had a difficult time cracking the young reader market. It's a hard audience to write for, but a lucrative market to tap into.
I, as I tried to warn them, know absolutely nothing about the 'tweener demographic. Zero. I'm not even sure if I'm spelling it correctly.
This, then, is a match made in heaven. Together, we'll go far.
So I set off to write a fictional story. Starting with a very daunting blank page, I had to develop a story line, create characters, develop a conflict, add a subplot, tie it up nicely, and make it reach an audience I know nothing about. The only thing I had in my favor was that it would be centered around the sport of bike racing. That's it.
I submitted a very weak first draft, and received three pages of notes from the publisher. I took it back and changed everything but the font.
I just completed it on Monday. Sent it to VeloPress, and am now waiting to hear if they're going to buy it or pass on it. No guarantees. It might end up in a dumpster somewhere.
Let me give you a TV Guide-style hint of the story line: a kid who lives for football discovers bike racing by accident and becomes hooked by the end of the book. There are no supernatural occurrences, no vampires, and no pirates.
Now, let me share a little about the writing process (in case I'm never asked to speak at a book signing). I went on long bike rides without my iPod. That's the secret to uninhibited creative thought. When I listen to music, I get distracted. When I don't, I can think much more clearly. As such, I do my best thinking on the bike - constantly dumping ideas into my voice recorder app.
The creativity ebbs and flows. I went through periods in which I couldn't stand to look at it. And I went through periods where I couldn't type fast enough.
We'll see how it goes.
While I'm waiting, I'm working on Book #3. It has nothing to do with cycling. It's a humor book on relationships.
You see, I'm a bit of en expert ...... on humorous relationships.

Cinelli launched her career.

2011-11-12T16:49:00.008-06:00

Take a look at this photo. Tell me what TV show she starred in.
I was a freshman at Northern Michigan University. My major was broadcasting. My minor was photography. One of the class assignments was to photograph people, so I asked her to be a subject.
Let's back up... How did I meet her? I met her in the dormitory dining hall. Van Antwerp Hall was full of geeks and gomers. Luckily, we shared the dining hall with Hunt Hall which was full of normal and attractive people. (How does that happen?)
I had seen her many times before and had been looking for my opening for weeks. Then one day she showed up at dinner wearing a ... you're not going to believe this... it really was something special... if you're a male cyclist, you would have reacted the same way I did... she was wearing a baby blue, wool Cinelli jersey.
Hot? Are you kidding me? It was a long-sleeve wool jersey. Wearing that indoors was, yes, probably very warm.
Oh, you mean HOT? Yeah, I knew that's what you meant. Though it hung on her like a shower curtain, it was still the most alluring thing I'd ever seen. Seeing my chance, I sat down at her table and struck up a conversation. (Thankfully, I didn't trip and fall on my way across the room. Though I do remember my legs feeling somewhat rubbery.) Well, since this happened in 1983, I don't really remember what pithy remark I opened with, but it must have been a classic. She was kind. We hit it off right away. (As it turns out, the jersey belonged to her dad.) And when I needed a subject for my photo class, I asked her.
She was studying something thrilling like accounting or finance at the time. But after this photo shoot, she changed her career path. (It must've been something I said.) She followed her boyfriend to Minneapolis. Met Prince. Starred in a music video. Moved to L.A. Got a part in the first Lethal Weapon movie. That's about the time that I lost contact with her. I moved on to bigger and better things while she moved on to much bigger and much better things. Eventually she got a regular part on Cheers as Woody's girlfriend, Kelly Gaines. I could see her on Thursday nights on NBC, except for the fact that I didn't own a TV.
Oddly enough, it all started because of Cinelli.
And that, my friends, is a true story.

Lions Fan

2011-10-10T20:16:00.002-05:00

Is it me? Or does the lake that I row on look vaguely like the Flanders Lion?

Thwarted by Salmon

2011-09-22T19:12:00.006-05:00

My foray into the sport of 'cross racing was pushed back a week due to a bunch of fish.
Huge salmon were running on the Platte River (located at the tip of the pinky of Michigan),
and I wanted to see them.
Stand Up Paddling is a riot by itself. But paddling down a swift river full of huge fish making their way upstream in large number is something that you MUST try once. It was worth setting aside a September weekend to do even if it meant missing the first races of the season.
I'm not talking about a few fish here and there. I'm talking about hundreds of salmon waiting to be let past the weir. You can almost walk across the water on their backs. The river was black with fish. It's amazing to see.
There will be 8 other weekends of racing. But there is only a short window of opportunity to see this natural phenomenon take place.
The fish have all gone upstream now. I'll see you at the race this weekend.

'Cross Connection

2011-09-12T12:23:00.007-05:00

I won't say that the recent cyclocross clinic was scuccess, but I will admit that during my short bike commute to work this morning, I did four dismounts.
If you know anything about me by now, you know that I'm a Roadie through and through.
But I'm finally starting to dabble in cyclocross. Not because it's the hottest trend in competitive cycling. Not because full of drunken spectators ringing obnoxious cowbells. In fact, I'm not really sure what compels me to go this route. Perhaps I'm doing it for the reason it exists: to keep my fitness level at a decent place until ski season comes.
It took me a while to warm to this faction of cycling.
Here's a sample for you uninitiated readers:

For a long time, I didn't 'get it'. I mistook it for a serious attempt at bike racing. It is, but only to the first few riders who actually have a chance of winning. To the rest of the pack (where, behind which, I will reside), it's just a self-motivating, limit-pushing, fitness-keeping, leg-burning, back-breaking all-out effort that has moments of fun interspersed with tunnel vision amid the sound of cowbells and hoots of encouragement from strangers.
In short, it's a Roadie's rendition of mountain biking.
I will keep you posted as to my progress. I'm coming at it with only a modicum of experience.
So far, I've participated in a clinic (to learn the basics), and half of a race (to humiliate me). While I won't say that I'm hooked yet, I will say that I'm glad that I've finally put my preconceived notions behind me.

Found some new stuff.

2011-06-20T20:16:00.003-05:00

Writing a new post. Not ready yet.
In the meantime, here's a fun video from Pogo:

Pogo takes video clips and cuts them into audio clips. For example, here's what he did to Mary Poppins.

Click here for a quick note on who Pogo is. Pretty amazing talent.

Team Sport

2011-06-14T21:33:00.006-05:00

In my book, "Roadie - The Misunderstood World of a Bike Racer", I point out the fact that bike racing is one of the only sports in which you will find more than two teams on the field of play at one time. Also, it's one of the only sports on the planet in which you will see teams working TOGETHER. And in that same best-seller, I toy briefly with the idea of having four teams in a baseball game at the same time. I don't know HOW it would happen. Surely, someone would get beaned.
While announcing at last weekend's USAF CLassic in Arlington, VA, I once again blurted out the idea of multiple teams taking part in one game. I suggested a football game involving four teams.
Well, during a slow day at work today, I put designed the field.
Now all we need is a rule book and a brief explanation of how it works. Feel free to offer up your own rules of play.
One team kicks off to the other. The receiving team can return the kick-off in one of three directions. Let's say that a Tarheels player receives the kick-off and turns North and heads into the Goobers' territory. He gets tackled by a Goober - for the sake of argument. Now, would the first play from scrimmage see the Tarheels vs all three teams? Or would one of the other teams help out on offense? If so, which team? And what if they catch a pass? Can they hijack the ball and make a run for someone else's end zone?
In cycling, teams will form allegiances while the race is underway, and those allegiances can be nullified instantly. Football players should have to deal with the fickle nature of such allegiances, too.
Oh, this could be a fun experiment. I need 43 volunteers to meet me at the high school field.
Any marching band directors reading this: you are free to design a halftime show using this configuration. However, don't take this to band camp in August. The stadium has not yet been built. We're still waiting for a land purchase to be approved on the Detroit waterfront before we break ground.
Feel free to speculate in the comments box on the rules of the New NFLx4

On Stage

2011-06-11T18:35:00.002-05:00

Racing is exciting. Especially the last few laps. Especially when a breakaway is caught in the last few laps.
Today at the Clarendon Cup in Arlington VA, the Clarendon Cup ended in a flurry of activity including a last minute catch of two escapees (Patrick Moren - Amore & Vita and Jackie Simes IV - Jamis Sutter Home).
Our job as an announcer is to make it crazier by yelling a bunch of stuff really loudly over the P.A. Most of what we say should be true and accurate, but it's
Richard Fries and Brad Sohner did all the work. I just rang the bell and captured the scene in Blue-Vision for your viewing pleasure.

Say hello, by the way, to Maurice on the sound board at the beginning.
And that's the president of Arlington Sports, Rob Laybourn scampering out of the way right before the final sprint.
A peek at the chaos that is a bike race.

Pre-Race notes

2011-05-22T09:59:00.004-05:00

The safety record of the Amgen Tour of California is remarkably clean. When you think of the logistics involved in rolling 1000 people in 200 vehicles across 1400 miles of road past a million spectators standing on the side of the road, it's surprising how safely they do it.
So far, we've had a few minor incidents involving spectators and staff. One problem is that the spectators who ride up the mountains to watch the race lose control of their bikes when they ride back down after the race. So we've had a couple of accidents like that. We had one heart attack by a spectator along the route. Those aren't on our record. We also had an incident with a TV camera boom hitting a car. That one's ours.
Our risk management consultant has been traveling with us all week, and he said that the biggest risk that we generate stems from sleep deprivation. Many of the crews who are building each day's venue are working 18-hour days. They're actually urged to nap when they're not working.
Prior to every stage of the ATOC, the drivers in the caravan get briefed on the day's course. We're alerted to where the spectators will be, where the rough road is located, and where the tricky descents are.

Speaking of tricky descents, we went over the top of Mt. Hamilton (just east of San Jose) earlier this week. The general rule in mountain stages is this: get over the top and go like hell to the bottom. We can't have any delays on the way down because the race can sneak up on us very quickly. So look out below! We have a closed road with a police escort for about 20 miles of descending. This is why I sign up for this job.

Rumors

2011-05-21T08:23:00.002-05:00

Here in Solvang, they have a special place for you to sit when discussing rumors:
The humor in that photo, for you non-inner circle types, is that here in the tourist town of Solvang, CA is where we got wind of the latest bombshell in the Lance Armstrong Doping Debate. I have never seen so many surprised looks on people faces at the news that longtime Armstrong lieutenant George Hincapie has testified in the investigation. Tyler Hamilton had launched a salvo earlier in the week. No one was too blown away by that. But when George spoke, the cycling world listened.
Now we sit and wait.
This post is not going to discuss the inner workings of the case.... yet. My job is only to point out the humor in the photo above. And to let you know that more news is most assuredly coming.

A Day in the Life of the Mobile P.A.

2011-05-19T19:14:00.003-05:00

Just an example of what we do on the road during the Amgen Tour of California.

Top Billing

2011-05-16T19:29:00.005-05:00

We were supposed to start today's stage at Squaw Valley, but more snow up in the Sierras forced us to move things down into the foothills in Nevada City. )There was ice in the shadows on Route 20. Not to mention some awesome scenery. It would have been a gorgeous stage, but safety remains the priority.) Nevada City was an obvious choice for an alternative launch site, really. We started the Tour there last year, and they have a long history of bike racing there.
In less than 12 hours, Nevada City put together an amazing party. They rerouted the course a few miles to pass through downtown, they secured a million intersections, and came out in force to provide an awesome send-off for this event.
Absolutely amazing. Could your town do that?
I got really lucky today, too. I got the call at 9am that I'd be handling the Start venue all by my lonesome. That means that I had the opportunity of a lifetime interviewing the likes of Thor, Andy, George, Christian, and a bunch of others.

That's Andy Schleck of Leopard Trek answering some probing question that I had posed just moments ago.
So we finally got to racing, thanks to the folks of Nevada City.
All in all, a really fun day.

Amgen Tour of California

2011-05-15T17:09:00.008-05:00

This is what we woke up to find this morning:
Hello from the Ritz Carlton in North Lake Tahoe, CA. (I just had to throw that in.) Stage One of the Amgen Tour of California was cancelled today due to unsafe conditions - or as we Michiganders call it: normal riding conditions for most of the year.
We were actually starting to roll when the call came through. 5 minutes before the actual start of the race, the California Highway Patrol, Media, and VIP cars began to roll slowly out of town. We were the talking to the crowds from our Mobile PA vehicle as we rolled along. Everything was going well until the radio crackled with the disappointing words: "Stand by for an announcement." We paused in the road at a standstill. The crowd knew something was up. "Today's stage is cancelled." We turned around and headed back to the barn making the announcement as we went.
It was the right call to make. Unfortunate, but it had to be done. For you doubters in the room, here's some video that I shot just 30 minutes ago on the route.

With the recent death of a rider in the Giro d'Italia, now was not the time to be cowboys and try to race it. The conditions appeared to be improving when we took a lap of the course at 9am. In fact, the sunlight and clouds were creating an amazing backdrop. At 1pm, the pavement was dry. At 2pm, all he'll broke loose again.
I feel badly for the construction crews who were out at 4am building the venues in a snowstorm and for the people along the route who were out there waiting for several hours. They were huddling together in campsites set up on the KOMs (King of the Mountains climbs). The temps were in the upper 20s. The winds were HOWLING. Yet, these bike race fans were camped out and ready.
We're packing extra provisions for tomorrow's stage which goes over Donner Pass.

8am Rides are for the birds.

2011-04-30T07:46:00.005-05:00

My sister said that she saw a group of riders on a road near her house on Saturday morning. She wondered if I was in that group.
"What time?" I asked.
"I was on my way to work, so it must've been around 8:30am."
Oh, hell no.
It's April 30th. At 8:30am, the temperature was 37 degrees. Later in the day, it's going to be sunny and 65. Am I the only one who thinks it's absurd and ridiculous to ride when it's cold on a day that will eventually be warm?
We've been wearing three layers since November. Finally, we have a day that will only require one layer. Why would you mess with that? Why would you willingly hit the road wearing full gloves and a thermal helmet liner?
One argument I've heard is: if you ride early, you have time to get house work done later.
Another argument I've heard is: there's less traffic at 8am.
Listen up, you fools:
1. There's less traffic... for about an hour. And your ride continues for three more.
2. Riding produces a wind chill making it feel COLDER. Working around the house, doesn't (unless your fertilizer spreader moves at 20mph). Do your house work in the morning when it's cold.
3. If you ride long and hard like you're supposed to, you shouldn't have the energy to do those chores. That's the best part of the whole design: you ride so hard from noon to 4pm that you're forced to sit on the couch and watch golf from 4pm to 6pm. Why would you mess with that?
You might see me out at 8am (unlikely) if it were 80 degrees in the morning with a projected high temp of 120 in the afternoon. But you will never see me in a group that rides at 8am.
Feel free to leave a comment telling me how refreshed and revived you feel after your morning ride at 37 degrees, but I'll remind you that you rode indoors on your trainer all winter when you had several opportunities to feel revived and refreshed with cool temps.

What is it that makes people hate us?

2011-04-18T18:46:00.006-05:00

I was riding along minding my own business, the story begins.
On a four-lane boulevard. Sunday afternoon. Very little traffic. Almost none. I have a huge tailwind, so I'm cruising along.
As I pass through a green light, a shiny new Lincoln pulls up to the intersection from my right. The driver looks to his left and sees me coming. He hesitates at the red light. If he had to wait a full second I'd be surprised. I was past him very quickly.
He pulls out after I pass, and he takes the left lane. He passes me without incident.
He gets stacked in the queue at the next red light. I catch up. He's #3 in the left lane. I'm #1 in the right lane.
Once we get past the red light. everyone in this queue is going to make a "Michigan Left". Not me. I'm going straight.
So far, we're all behaving ourselves nicely.
The light turns green, and we all proceed forward. Actually, I go forward, and they move into the center turn-around lane/taper.
Then I hear someone laying on the horn.
Immediately, a cyclist is trained (through past experience) to think one of two things: 1. It must be a friend that's giving me shit, or 2. Am I in danger? Personally, they come in that order to me. Some people may do them in reverse order. I contend that if someone has time to honk, I'm in no danger. (It's the dog that doesn't bark that bites.)
I look over my shoulder and see that I'm all alone on this two-laned boulevard. And the guy in the Lincoln is now flipping me the bird.
Perfect.
I laugh. It's funny.
(What does that gesture really mean? It's the most over-used, worthless gesture known to man. It ranks dead last among all gestures. Among my favorites are the "knife-to-the-throat" gesture that means: you're going to pay for that (though probably not with a knife because I hate the sight of blood). I also like the "pointing-at-my-eyes-then-at-you" gesture that means: I'm watching you. - Do people who wear glasses use four fingers to point at their eyes? They should, right? - And finally, I love this one: point two fingers at the ground and swing them back and forth slowly. This one means: you'll hang for that.)
I'm following all the rules of the road. I've impeded no one's movement. I'm not an issue to anyone in the world at this point. But he had to express his unhappiness with me.
Of all the reasons that we find to hate each other today - and believe me, people love to hate - some people just do it for the sake of doing it.

Chamois cream?

2011-04-02T16:50:00.005-05:00

I am dead set against the use of chamois cream. I'm also dead set against the NEED for chamois cream.
My club's clothing manufacturer produces a pair of shorts with a chamois so rough it could strip paint from patio furniture. (For all you non-cyclists in the audience, the chamois is that padding sewn into our shorts that makes our shorts feel like a diaper when we're standing. They're also supposed to buffer us from the constant friction when we're pedaling.)
When I asked my teammates (loose interpretation), they all seem to agree that the shorts are comfortable, but that you also need to use a cream of some sort. It boggles my mind that a majority of riders willingly accept this as normal.
Call me 'old school', but I prefer the days when actual chamois was used. Today, everything is synthetic. No problem, but can't we synthesize something that is more butt friendly? When did clothing manufacturers decide that it was OK to make shorts with abrasive pads in the arse requiring the use of a cream with the stupid name of DZ Nuts or Butt Butt'r?
I recently tried to buy a new pair of shorts, and the sales person handed me a tube and told me, 'you'll need some of this'. Oh no I won't, sir. Not at $18 for four ounces, I won't!
So let me get this straight. Now I need to purchase - at regular intervals - a tube of this slimy crud and apply it to my jibblies and hidden quarters prior to EVERY ride? And wash it off my hands?
No thank you. I refuse to add yet another step in the dressing process.
So let me ask you: which camp do YOU reside in? Am I the only one who finds this to be completely stupid?

I'll Go On Record As The First Person To Suggest It.

2011-02-15T18:53:00.007-06:00

During the week following the Super Bowl, there was more talk (around here, anyway) of the 2-minute Eminem/Chrysler spot than any of the game highlights. Em cruising around Detroit in a black Chrysler 200 while the VO spoke of the Motor City's work ethic. Nationally, I think the spot was well-received. Locally, it was a rallying point for the comeback of the century that we're all still waiting patiently for. The spot sure did stir the hearts of Detroiters who haven't given up on the dream.
For those of you who were in the loo when it first aired (or maybe you just tuned out once you saw a Super Bowl spot without a talking dog), here's the spot:

The past few years in Detroit, the question has been: how do we re-energize the City without relying on the auto industry? It wasn't long ago that Chrysler was literally minutes from death. GM was lying on the table under a sheet. Ford was ... doing 'just OK'. The City was asking: what will be the next industry or "the next big thing" to bring Detroit back among the living?
Bio-medical has been tossed around as the next great savior of the 313. Alternative energy has been tossed around. Urban agriculture has also been .... OK, stop laughing. That's a real idea. I'm not making it up. Mayor Bing has openly asked for ideas on revitalizing his City, and now has to deal with a collection of Robocop freaks. Seriously, they're looking for ANY idea that will work. And as a result, there's no unified movement in any single direction here. We are collectively grasping at straws.
So what's my straw? What do I know?
I remember Atlanta in 1987.
It was a pit. It was a crime-ridden and drug-infested mess. Not the shining star of the South as it is today.
And then they did something crazy and insane: they bid on the Summer Olympics.
Ballsy move by Billy Payne and Andrew Young. But it paid off.
Suddenly, the City had a unified direction. A goal that everyone seemed to finally agree on and comprehend. Instantly, there was a deadline for success, and everyone knew what was required of them. It wasn't easy, but they got there.
The short term economic impact was estimated at $5.14 billion. Atlanta changed dramatically as new sports venues were built, park space was created, sidewalks and streets were improved, and housing patterns were altered.
Downtown received several tangible legacies from the Olympics. In addition to an improved pedestrian environment, preparations for the games included the construction of new housing and the conversion of existing buildings into lofts that gave the city a twenty-four-hour population helping to reverse several decades of decline.
Mostly, though, it made ATL an international player for years to come. A city with a greater self image and a city with an ego that it certainly didn't have in 1987 when the idea was first uttered.
If you want one word with magical power, it's the O-word. People of all ilk instantly know what it means without further discussion.
World Cup Soccer? It's one of the "mega-events", but it requires an explanation. World's Fair? Ditto.
But everyone knows the O.
And you'll know who believes in Detroit by whether or not they laugh when they hear it.

Worst Athletic Day Ever

2011-01-27T06:17:00.006-06:00

It took me 50 years to find it, but I found it.
The worst athletic experience of my life happened Saturday at the Cote Dame Marie Loppet, a 30k xc ski race.
This story actually begins a week in advance of the event when I started my annual winter weight loss program. With no intention of racing on Saturday, I cut my caloric intake by a fair amount. Not an unhealthy amount, just a fair amount. Then, on Thursday, my friend, Bonnie, strong-armed me into registering for the CDML. I've been skiing pretty well this year, so I decided to do it. Unfortunately, I didn't really notice that it was a 30k event. It didn't even register in my feeble little brain.
The weekend comes. The thermometer bottoms out. It was 9 degrees on Friday as I was in my basement frantically putting on the right wax. Tomorrow's race would be held on the kind of snow that squeaks when you walk on it. The ice crystals are very sharp and unfriendly. They make a special wax for this. You just have to be on top of things and prepare yourself. You see, half of your success in ski racing comes from matching the right ski wax with the current snow temperature. The other 90% is technique. Another 147% is in strength and endurance. That adds up to 287%. According to my public school math, 287% is about right. If you choose the wrong wax, you're sunk.
I was in a hurry because, like the character in my upcoming book, I procrastinate wildly. I had just enough time to put ONE coat of wax on my skis. One very thin layer of wax for very cold ski conditions. File that info away. It'll come into play later.
It was a balmy 6 degrees with a brisk wind when I arrived at the race site. I registered, got dressed, and skied a few kilometers for a warm up. Uneventful, so far. I was properly dressed for the weather. No problem.
I arrived at the start line with plenty of time to spare: almost a full ten seconds. Yes, I was late. As such, I found myself at the back of the 120-man field. So that's 120 people who timed their warm-up correctly. And me.
Moments later, we were launched onto the trail system. Moments later, I was in deep oxygen debt. I managed to pass a few slow starters quickly. Perhaps they were frozen to the ground. It's possible.

I'm at about 1:26 into that video. I'm the guy who appears to be carrying an invisible piano.
Everything was fine for the first few miles. I was passing some skiers and getting passed by superheroes, or people dressed as superheroes. (Ski outfits are hilariously more hideous than cycling uniforms. That's quite an accomplishment.)
We reached the first big hill, and that's when my muscles informed me that they were A. underfed, and B. under-prepared.
I muscled up the hill and pressed on only to find bigger hills. That's funny; when I ski this trail any other day, it seems a lot flatter.
We would be doing two 15k loops. I would see these hills again later, and they would somehow grow and become steeper between now and then.
My world came crashing down at the 13k mark. My nutrition caught up to me, and all of my wax had been scraped off. One thin coat of wax doesn't last long when skiing on razor blades.
Good news: I still have eleven miles to go.
Moments before the race started, I sucked down a PowerGel with 2x caffeine thinking it would help me. All it really did was left me awake enough to be aware of what hell I was living.
I had the presence of mind to wear a belt pack with a water bottle filled with Gatorade. When I tried to drink from it, I discovered that it was now a worthless block of ice in the shape of a water bottle. Dead weight at this point, but I'm not going to throw away a perfectly good bottle. I'm awake enough to know better.
I also wore an iPod in this race which is now working against me. I programmed the wrong music altogether. For some reason, I had Ravel's Bolero in the mix. Those of you who know the piece will find humor in the fact that I did NOT crescendo as the piece progressed. Instead, I decrescendo'd rapidly.
One ski in front of the other, man. Ignore the music:
Beatles: I Feel Fine - bullshit. No I don't.
Coldplay: Cemeteries of London - sounds inviting.
Jean-Yves Thibaudet: Your Hands Are Cold - No shit they're cold. Every part of me is cold!
Queen: Don't Stop Me Now - Oh, please. Stop me now.
Arcade Fire: No Cars Go - great song, but I was changing the lyrics to "no skis go"
It was a slog (noun [usu. in sing. ] a spell of difficult, tiring work or traveling), and that was just the first lap.
At some point, I was passed quite quickly by a younger skier. Now I was cursing my age. this is obviously a sport for younger people. Who am I fooling? When am I going to learn?? Who in their right mind does this at age 50?? When can I retire from sport? ( Please make note of this comment. It's related to the punchline of this story. )
With no wax left on my skis, I was unable to coast or glide down the hills. Ponder that thought for a moment? I have ten more miles to go.
And then I bonked.
So that's the story of my worst athletic day. Plenty of lessons learned. Plenty of new depths discovered.
I quickly packed the car and drove away feeling old, tired, and out of shape. I drove home in a state of disgust and self-loathing. I drove home on heated leather seats which helped only slightly.
The next day, I checked the race results. Much to my surprise, I wasn't the last person to finish. In fact, I finished two places better than I was in the video above. My time wasn't far off my 15k time x2.
And here's the punchline: the winner's age is... 51.
Dammit!
I'm sucked back in.

Pretty stuff

2010-12-14T14:36:00.003-06:00

Busy writing other stuff. Will put it here soon.
In the meantime, watch this. It'll make you go, "wow, my life lacks something."
At least that's what I said.

A Sunday Event is a Hate Crime? I've now heard it all.

2010-09-29T19:30:00.006-05:00

This entry has nothing to do with bike racing, but as always, I'll weave cycling into it somehow.
I'm taking a side trip into the world of running this time around. We have a half-marathon taking place in my city on Sunday. As you can imagine, it'll mess up traffic for a few hours while 5000 runners have their way. As an employee of the City, I've heard from some angry residents who object to the road closures. Mostly, though, the community has come to accept and even embrace the event as our own.
One resident wrote a very ... alarming?... email to our US Senator:
Here are the highlights... (I need to say this: this is real. You may question that at times.)
<<<<<<<<<<<
Dear Senator Levin,

I'm writing this letter asking for your help in your home State of Michigan because our First Amendment Rights that guarantees ALL the Right to Religion Freedom is now being violated right here in Rochester Hills, Rochester, Auburn Hills and Oakland Township by our local government (All REPUBLICANS) who have team up with the Crim's Organization to limit our access to attend church on the First Sunday in October for the third consecutive year. The main street out of my subdivision (Tienken Road) will be closed from approximately 7:45 AM until Noon. therefore my wife and I will not even attempt to attend any of our church worship services.
How bad is it? Well if you drive down Walton Blvd in Rochester Hills, you will see the following sign at the Meadowbrooks Christian Church: "CHURCH SERVICE CANCEL OCT. 3 BECAUSE OF RACE". This is an insult to every Christian even though I realize that we're now living in what is known as the "Post Christian Era".
If you check back into the history of America, I believe, that you will find that from the VERY BEGINNING of America, we have ALWAYS had our Christian Worship services on Sunday mornings long before any marathon was held in this country.

Perhaps you could used your influence to have the FBI investigate this as a RELIGIOUS HATE CRIME against Christians. I would also like to invite you or a member of you staff to participate in our very first Christian Interfaith meeting early next year as we plan our strategy to fight back.

By the way," Sunday will be the VERY LAST time for some Christians here in our community to ever attend a worship service" - but they're being denied this final opportunity by our government right here in America. But since this is an event members of the Republican Party want, they get to do what ever they desire.
>>>>>>>>>>>
We take it for granted that quiet Sunday mornings are the best time to run an athletic event using public roads. But this response from a resident reminds us that there are some strong anti-event sentiments out there.
But the real point of this post is this:
Ready? It's pretty simple and somewhat brilliant.)
Why doesn't this Christian ride his bike or walk to church?

There. I brought it back to cycling. Not too big a stretch, really.

Season's Over

2010-09-07T21:29:00.006-05:00

There have been seasons in the past in which I've dreaded the final race. In 1993, I clearly remember being almost despondent at the end of the season. It was at the Michelin race in Greenville SC. As the cars loaded with bikes drove away from the corner of Main St. and Mcbee Ave., it felt like that icky feeling you get when you're leaving Disneyland. The trip home after that weekend was a sad one.
Labor Day Weekend now marks the end of road racing season here in Michigan - oh sure, there have been occasional additions in September such as the Pino Morroni races or the Tour de Leelanau (jumpin' jiminy, why did I ever let people talk me into racing that monstrosity; I had no business being on that roster). This year, I wasn't feeling much sadness.
I'm not sure what that means. I interpret it as a general acceptance of the passing of another season, and maybe a yearning for ski season. (And a thankfulness that it's still a few months away; I'm not ready.) But it's also a relief that I don't have to be a slave to the bike for the next 5 months.
A couple of observations that affected my season (not in a good way) have reduced the sadness surrounding The End:
Observation #1. Our local cycling scene has become rather predictable. I'm sure everyone experiences the same thing across the USA: Everyone knows who is fast and who isn't. Everyone knows what everyone else can do and how they do it. Everyone expects "the attack" by the strongest guy at the same point in the race. You can almost list the riders who will make the breakaway, and you can probably predict, with some degree of accuracy, the order of finish.
It's really quite stale. Yet, every weekend, we drive to a medium-sized town and go through the same routine as if on a loop. That's bike racing.
This year's final weekend was a bit different because a flock of Canadian riders came down from Toronto and brought new color to our Michigan scene. (Mainly, red and white. I mean, don't they have any other colors down there? [Canada is south of us, so it's down not up.]).
It was A LOT more fun having unknown riders mixing it up with us. Sure, they talk funny, but they race well. And instead of watching the same five riders who consistently kick my arse every weekend, I now had to watch twelve riders who could kick my arse. That's a lot more fun. (Seriously, it is.)
Observation #2: The range of tactics is quite limited at this level of racing. Very few teams have more than two tricks in their folder.
Those two tricks are:
1. "Get one of our guys in the breakaway, and shut down the field."
2. "Don't let any breakaways get away; we'll set up Leon for the field sprint." (Leon is a fictitious name that I pulled out of my book of fictitious names that authors carry around with them. Mine is leather bound.)
There are slight variations on those themes, but nothing plunging too deep into the Coors Light playbook. (Len Pettyjohn's Coors Light cycling team was, in my opinion, the epitome of smart riding. I saw them win countless races in countless diabolical ways. They are the standard by which I judge team tactics.)
Yes, that's more than a little frustrating and adds to the boring predictability of the racing here. Consequently, the end of bike racing season isn't much of a letdown this year.
There's a lesson here that I learned this week: travel more.
Next season, I'm going to take road trips to Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois. Rather than complain about the stale local scene (which is probably equally stale in OH, IN, and IL), I'll try to be that mysterious out-of-towner who comes in and shakes things up. I encourage you to do the same.
Except, ... um... let's not all go to the Ohio on the same weekend.

Blackness

2010-08-14T07:24:00.002-05:00

I did it again. I swore I wouldn't let it happen, and I did.
A warm summer night and an invitation to meet up with friends in Lake Orion (10 miles away) was what started it. They were there for the Lake Orion Horseshoe Club's Guinness Book of Records attempt for the longest horseshoe marathon. (Don't ever again tell me that cyclists are crazy.) I pulled my 'cross bike off the hook, threw my lights on it, filled my water bottles, and hopped on the rail-trail. I was off in search of adventure.
First of all, I was so proud of myself for remembering to fill my water bottles. Believe it or not, after 40 years of riding, I still sometimes forget that part. I usually discover this about 3 miles from my house and vow to never let it happen again...until the next ride.
Night riding is a really cool experience. If you've never done it, I highly recommend it. And on warm summer nights, it's even better. With a full moon, you don't really need your own light. Tonight, however, there was no moon. But who cares! I have my super duper light mounted to my handlebars! Let the good times roll!
I'm surprised at how many other people there are on the trail after dark. I was continually covering up my light with my hand so as not to blind them. It's a pretty bright light; it'll knock out your night vision in a hurry. So as soon as I spot someone way up ahead, I try to squelch the light because I know how annoying it is to be caught in the beam of an aircraft landing light.
I made it to Lake Orion. Hung out. Watched some horseshoe pitching. And then decided it was time to ride home.
When I get 1k down the trail, the light dies. Instantly. Black. Because it's a digital light, it doesn't fade slowly like an incandescent light would. No, it just goes off without warning.
Remember a few paragraphs ago when I said "with a full moon, you don't really need your own light." Well, with no moon at all...
Now, I could have turned around and gone back to the horseshoe pits and asked for a ride. I could have called my friend to come and get me. I could have called a cab (I jest. Lake Orion has no cab service. I only wrote that for my New York friends who probably would have said, "Yo, why didn't you just call a cab?") But I didn't. I got myself into this mess...
The only source of light was the faint yellow glow in the distant sky from the lights of Rochester at the other end of the trail. But with no clouds to bounce off of, they were of no use to me. It was pitch black. I had 9.5 miles of wilderness to navigate in total darkness.
OK, let me explain that wilderness, in this case, means nothing more than deer, skunks, field mice, and an occasional muskrat. Still, I wouldn't want to hit any of them except for maybe the mice.
I waited for several minutes to let my eyes adjust to the darkness, but they never reached an acceptable level.
You know where this is going, don't you?
Yep, I did what any modern day survivalist would do; I pulled out my iPhone and opened the flashlight app. That little glow that was designed to help you find your glasses in the kitchen at night guided me all the way down the trail. It worked pretty well, actually. It pointed out the two deer. It illuminated the posts that prevent cars from driving the trail. It also marked my position for the oncoming riders without lights.
That's right: oncoming riders without lights. As much as I was cursing my own forgetfulness/stupidity all the way down the trail, there were people out there at 11:30pm who were intentionally riding the trail without lights on a moonless night. Who knew that such a recreational option existed?
And they might be onto something. I can see it now (sure, now that it's daylight): a new form of bike racing: a nighttime time trial down the trail. Two categories: lights and no lights.
It'll be epic.
Riders ready?
Go.

Future Stars

2010-08-10T20:22:00.015-05:00

It wasn't THAT long ago (OK, it was 11 very fast years) that the residents living near Bloomer Park placed signs in their yard protesting the planned velodrome. They had NO idea what a velodrome was, but they were bound and determined to save the park from devastation and to preserve the natural beauty of the area of the park that was once an overflow parking lot now overgrown with scrub brush. This 200-acre park is indeed a beautiful piece of land nestled in the suburban jungle of Detroit's north side, but it also serves more than 70-thousand residents. Providing recreation for them sometimes requires hacking down some scrub brush. I think they cleared an acre.
The IVBP has been in existence for 9 years now, and it's quite a popular place. The locals have accepted it into their community. And it's providing a place for kids to do something other than lacrosse and soccer.
The payoff is in these pictures. (You can click on these pictures to make them bigger. You might want to just so you can see the facial expressions.) The velodrome has gotten a lot of use by old people (20 years old and up), but only recently has it caught fire with the young riders. Nothing against 40-year-old racers, but the good stuff is here in these images.

A few observations:
- The kids are INTO it. There's an intensity about the races that is so much fun to watch.
- Kids love gear. Not gears as in bike gears. But gear as in stuff, accoutrement, equipment. This sport is the perfect match.
- The parents are hindered from becoming the dreaded "meddlesome sports parents" because they haven't a clue as to what the sport is all about. When they go to baseball or soccer games, they have enough of a working knowledge to be dangerous. But at the velodrome, they're kind of lost. You can see that they WANT to be involved, but they really aren't sure HOW to help. It's really pretty funny. And i hope we don't lose that moat that buffers the kids from the parents. Just let 'em race. They'll figure things out.
- The crew at the velodrome does a great job with the kids. If they didn't, you'd see blank pictures, I'm certain.
- The kids crash spectacularly just like the older riders. And they get up and keep riding.
So be advised that the sport of track racing is alive and well and living in Rochester Hills, Michigan. Stop by. Say hi.

Disaffected lout.

2010-08-03T07:06:00.003-05:00

You know how you sometimes come up with all the funny things you SHOULD HAVE said in response to something? OK, then follow along...
I received the following email from a name that I kinda recognize as someone who I know, but I NEVER receive email from him. It's obviously a virus sending out emails to his mailing list. But I thought I'd treat it as a real email as a writing exercise.
Here's the email:
Hello,

I'm writing this with tears in my eyes,my family and I came down here to London,England for a short vacation unfortunately we were mugged at the park of the hotel where we stayed,all cash,credit card and cell were all stolen from us but luckily for us we still have our passports with us.

We've been to the embassy and the Police here but they're not helping issues at all and our flight leaves in few hrs from now but we're having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won't let us leave until we settle the bills..I am so confused right now and thank God i wasn't injured because I complied immediately.

I await your response

Thanks
Dj

Now here are my responses:

#1 - focusing on the hotel rather than the predicament, and demonstrating that I didn't read the entire email:
Dj,
Glad you had fun! Which hotel did you stay in? I prefer the Royal Norfolk near Hyde Park.

Best,
Jamie

#2 - deflecting attention away from his plea for money and on to his annoying grammar:
Dude,
What is with your grammar? Did you forget how to use a comma and a coordinating conjunction? Don't rely on Microsoft to catch those mistakes!

Always looking out for ya,
Jamie

#3 - Playing along. Sort of.:
Dj,
OK, I've withdrawn every cent from my account and am ready to send it to you. Please give me a PO Box to send it to. But first, let me tell you about Amway.

Jamie

#4 - highlighting the cruelty of bad timing:
Dj,
That's crazy! I was just in London walking around Trafalgar with a satchel full of cash and several airline vouchers. Geez, your luck is in the toilet this week. Call me when you get home. Or, the way YOUR luck is running, maybe I should say "IF you get home".

Home,
James

#5 - Not wanting to be taken advantage of:
Hey, let's not forget that you still owe me $20. Don't try to weasel out of that just because of this little setback.

#6 - A shared London moment:
Hey Dj!
Mind the gap!

Best,
Jamie

#7 - Empathy and nothing more:
Dj,
That happened to a friend of mine in Monte Carlo. True story. National Cycling League President Peter O'Neill had sneaked out of town without paying the $22,000 tab. Jeff "the Rocket" Rutter and his wife got stuck in the lobby of Loews Hotel surrounded by unsympathetic gendarmes and an angry hotel manager who was insisting that Rocket pay the tab since he was the last one from the NCL party to check out.
OK, so he didn't get robbed in a nearby park; he got screwed by the NCL. And I never heard how that resolved itself, but I can certainly appreciate your predicament.
My advice. Steal something. Like a lamp or an ashtray. Come home with some memento from this ordeal.

#8 - More bad timing:
AUTO-RESPONSE
I will be out of the office until Tuesday, August 17. Contact the Mayor's staff at Mayor'sOffice@rochesterhills.org or at 248.656.4600.

I won't send any response, but it's always fun to think of all the funny ways you COULD respond should you ever wish to.
If you have a good response, leave a message...... BEEP!

The Perfect Ride on International Surfing Day.

2010-06-21T07:43:00.003-05:00

What’s the perfect ride?
A lot of possible answers to that question.
Here’s my list of the elements it should contain:
- Point to point. Go somewhere. Don’t just ride back to the starting point. End up in a different place.
- Long distance. More than 100 miles. Enough to drain the tanks.
- Scenic. Don’t take me through an industrial park. No subdivisions. No rail trails showing the backs of buildings. I want country roads with an occasional vista and a view of a large body of water.
- Hills. Nothing too big. C’mon, I weigh 200 pounds. (Thanks for being surprised by that fact.)
- Flatlands. Nothing too boring.
- Smooth Pavement. I know I’m dreaming in Michigan, but I would like roads free of potholes and patching and cracks. I would like roads that haven’t beaten to death by un-enforced weight limits. I want smooth roads for the ENTIRE WAY. Not just a few miles of smooth roads. I want the whole route to be perfect. (I’ll accept a few miles of cobbled roads, if I must.)
- An Apron. While I’m in dreamland, may I ask for that little slice of pavement to the right of the white line. You know, 18 inches of extra pavement? Is that too much to ask for my tax dollar?
- Tailwind. OK, this one is do-able. If I’m going point-to-point, this one isn’t out of the realm of possibility. I just have to pick the right route on the right day. But it needs to be strong. We’re chasing after perfect here, and that would be perfect.
- Towns (and convenience stores) placed at proper intervals to allow me to refill the bottles. Not as easy as you think.
- No traffic. OK I’m starting to lose it, aren’t I? I live in Detroit’s north suburbs. It’s motorist hell here. This request has the potential of putting me on the no-fly list for appearing to be unstable. But the perfect ride would have almost no cars.
- No harassment from motorists. If I ask for light traffic, it’s no guarantee that the cars that I DO see won’t be complete idiots. Heck, I’ve been harassed in my own subdivision. What are the odds of going +100 miles without hearing someone yell at me to “get off the road!”? Heck, I want them to give me the whole road. I don’t want anyone to cut it close.
How much can this guy harass me?
- Friendly waves from the locals. No, I haven’t been drinking. I really want to see people wave from the front porch, or from the passing car. I want people to be happy to see a cyclist ride by. I want people at the aforementioned convenience stores to ask about where I’m riding, and I want them to be startled at the start and end points. “You’re riding from WHERE to WHERE??”
- No mechanicals. No flats. No broken chains. No broken spokes. No snapped cables (shifting or brake). And, for the love of a pre-supposed god, no squeaky chain. (Oh wait, that’s up to me, isn’t it?)
- And waiting for me at the end of my ride, I want the following: Warm sunshine. Beautiful sandy beaches. Refreshing water temps – not too cold and not too warm. Playful waves. And friends to greet me with food and drink. And a surfboard waiting on the sand. And some Coppertone. And a comfy ride home.
- No entry fee. I’m not describing a charity ride. I’m not asking for a SAG wagon. (Why the Screen Actor’s Guild shows up at charity rides is beyond me, but there always seems to be a truck with SAG printed on the door.) This is a solo training ride from my front door. I don’t want to have to pay money for the privilege of all the above.
Add it all up. Imagine a ride like that. Go ahead and just TRY to imagine a ride on smooth pavement with no cars. Try to imagine the tailwind that makes you feel like a million bucks.
That was my ride on Saturday, June 19th. From Rochester to Port Austin.
The clouds parted and the perfect ride came my way. I wish you would have a ride like this one for yourself soon. If you ask nicely, I’ll tell you what route to take.
Seriously, no cars. On a Saturday. Twilight Zone-esque.
And yes, that's me falling off the surfboard. I never said I was GOOD at it. I just said I like to do it.

Living, Actually

2010-05-13T23:26:00.009-05:00

I'll try to make this about cycling, but it's mostly about golf.
I played golf at Pebble Beach today. I didn't have my A-game with me (which I blame indirectly on Michigan weather which prevented me from preparing fully), but I did OK.
Playing Pebble is the golfer's equivalent to taking your bike to France to ride up l'Alpe d'Huez. You don't go there trying to match Marco Pantani's time; you go there to just do it. Believe me, the course record is safe in both instances.
It's one of those things in life that you see on TV enough times to think you have a good sense of what it would be like to actually be there, and then you go there and find that it's much grander than you ever imagined, and you instantly feel a little stupid for actually believing what you saw on TV.
Maybe the true theme of this post is this: TV is fake.

The real way to live life is to get in a plane/train/automobile and go do the things that you've only watched on TV. Surfing is a good example that pops into mind. You can watch it on TV and think you understand it, but you have to actually paddle out into a wave of saltwater that's looming 10' over your head and feel the immense power as it hurdles you toward the shore in what you hope is a controlled flowing trip.

If you watch the TV coverage of this year's U.S.Open at Pebble Beach, they'll show you snippets of what's happening, tidbits of the history, and glimpses of the course, but what you'll miss is all the nuance and color that is found around every corner. From the pressure of the first tee to the abrupt weather changes on #7 to the long march up the 18th fairway, that course was a feast.
As I said earlier, my game wasn't on fire. I made it back to the Clubhouse. (That's the phrase that my father said every time he'd come home from his Thursday night golf league and we'd ask him, "How'd you do?". Bike racers can relate to this sentiment, right? Sometimes getting back to the car in one piece is all you can ask for. But we always knew that he had done better than that. Or maybe we just hoped he had.)
The coolest thing about the experience was being there and doing it. Not watching someone else do it. Not watching it on TV. Not listening to someone else tell the story about how they walked up the 17th fairway looking at a birdy putt on a green that the commentators say is difficult to hit.
But actually living it and doing it.
And missing the putt and settling for par.

How far are you willing to go to watch a bike race?

2010-04-09T21:07:00.011-05:00

If there's an award for being the most dedicated cycling fans, it has to go to Oran and Jo Kelly.
Originally from Ireland, now living in Vancouver, BC, they spend their vacation time chasing (literally) the bike race. We met them along the road of California last February. Through the rain and cold, and over mountain and valley, they played leap-frog with the peloton for the entire 700 mile route. So while we're plodding along at 24mph, they're on a high speed Road Rally through the countryside trying to get ahead of us to catch another glimpse.
Now that's dedication.
They're living the cycling fan dream that I so often espouse. Were I not involved in the Tour as an announcer, I would definitely be doing what they're doing. So I live vicariously through them... while I clutch my race credentials and free food and thank my lucky stars to have the job I have.
Thought I'd ask a few questions of the guy on the side of the road:
Question: How did you become a race fan?
Oran : As a kid watching the Tour on a black & white TV at me Gran's, I stayed with her over the summer, so it was always the Tour on TV at teatime... Ireland only had 5 TV channels at that stage, it was on the new "I'll not be watching that Channel" according to my Dad...My Gran always spoilt me....
Question: Who were your first favorites? (Since you're from Ireland, you had BETTER say Sean and Stephen.)
Oran (Kelly): With my name it could only ever be Sean, though I'm not quite as grumpy as him (yet!), Jo may give ye a less biased view on this sometime though.
Question: What do your friends/coworkers say about your vacation choices (Tours of California and Missouri)?
Oran : The California trip didn't cause too much of a reaction, as a lot of them head down there on a regular basis.
The trip to MO in September was met with the slowly stuttered response Mih-ZUR-ee ??? And an almost pained quizzical look on our co worker's faces... Followed with the standard, "No, we aren't racing... No, we are not good enough no matter how hard we try" to their questions about the racing...

Question: Describe your typical day at the Tour.
Oran : Typical day usually starts the day before... How's that for a typical Irish answer?!
After the race/team buses we head back to the rental car and the ubiquitous Garmin GPS, (Great team, but an even better race fan accessory), to look for the nearest laundromat, (Gotta get the 7-Eleven jersey cleaned for the next day). Laundromats vary amazingly across a State, some are in less desirable areas, but give tourists an insight into areas that you never get from a Rough Guide tourist book... As the jerseys go through a less arduous spin cycle than the riders did for hours before, we get the road atlas out, ( A good 50+ page State Road Map with all back roads/dirt tracks marked is usually the first purchase we make & vital for any dedicated race fan)...
Then its like a military operation, using the stage map/log to work out where the race intersects with non race route roads, what time the race will get there, is there likely to be a break away, what time we will have to be there before the critical road closed sign goes up, is there a back up plan, what is the last possible spot we can see the riders on the road, where exactly is the finish in town, how can we get onto a road that brings us into the finish from the opposite side of the race route? (Always keep a few quarters in your pocket for a parking meter)... I'll use a highlighter to mark the maps & then Jo writes down a list & times of all the road numbers/turn offs/directions/nice to be there/must be there time cut offs, (The people who produce the race route should really chat to us about making this easier), as I wander about chatting to the other folk in the Laundromat, (Team Type One's staff were usually in the same place as us and were great to chat too!)

God Bless America for building most of it`s town in a grid fashion, makes it so much easier than the haphazard random street distribution in European towns... Then it`s time to find sommat to eat.... The trusty Garmin then gets us back to the Hotel to watch whatever race footage is available on the net... Our GPS must have some sort of Irish virus, the road back is always via a liquor store, for a few stout to sup on while watchin' the race highlights... Missouri had some superb microbreweries...

Next morning it's up and away from the hotel after making the most of the breakfast, we always leave with a few muffins in the pocket for out on the road... Never stay in a place for more than one night, the owners tend not to appreciate the extra ration's we 'liberate"...Then it's off to the start area, parking in the strategic spot picked out during the recon the evening before... The smaller teams usually arrive first, so it's a good opportunity for a quick hello with some of the riders & mechanics... The smaller teams are always open for a quick chat.

Question: How did you get to SIX stops on the route in one day?
Oran : The stars aligned in a way a drunken Belgian with a fistful of frites on the hallowed Pavé can only dream of...

Question: What was the highlight of your Tour?
Being on the road to experice as much as we could.... MO & CA offer so much... Thank you to them both..

Question: What's the best schwag (souvenirs) you got?
Hard to narrow that down... Weird as it may seem, the Cervelo mechanic, Alejandro, gave me the cables off the bike Thor Husvod won on the sprint into Modesto in California... Inego Cuesta always spoke to us wether on the race route or at the team bus... The QuickStep D/S/Mechanic took a pic of us from the race car on the way past on the race route... Tom Boonen stopped on his warm down to chat & sign a bidon
I should mention CSC/Saxo have always been wonderful in how they treated Jo, podium flowers, team signed musettes & podium caps a reflection of how great they are as a team away from the cameras as well as on the road... Is it wrong that a pro-peleton team has given her more bunches of flowers than I have?... I'll move swiftly on me thinks...

I'll be seeing Oran and Jo in just a few days when the Amgen Tour of California gets rolling. It's a week that goes by REAL fast. Expect a ton of reports from the road. And maybe a shot or two of these two cycling fans!

The Pin Protocol. (Newbies, listen up!)

2010-04-03T15:04:00.008-05:00

I touch on this topic in "Roadie - The Misunderstood World of a Bike Racer" (Available at velopress.com), but what you don't know is that I had to cut a lot of text out of that original draft in order to make a book that one person could carry. (Believe it or not, the original draft was almost 500 pages long! Needless to say (but not preventing me from saying it anyway), it lost weight in the editing process.)
One of the things that I cut out is an explanation of HOW to correctly pin a race number to a jersey. Pay attention,friends, spouses, Romans, countrymen, etc. You may be called upon to perform this task.
The correct procedure:
1. Grab SIX pins from the box of pins at the registration table. That's right. Six.
2. Lay the number flat on the back in a position that will be seen by the officials/camera.
3. Ensure that the number is oriented correctly. NOT upside down.
Tips #2 and 3 seem obvious, don't they? Yes, well, that's because you are a dreamer.
4. Near the corner of the number, you will poke the pin through the number. DO NOT use the hole that is provided in the number. That is designed for runners, walkers, and other charity event participants. (see photo)
5. The pin should go DOWN through the number.... DOWN through the jersey... UP through the jersey.... and UP through the number again..
The number should now lie flat.
6. Repeat this step at each corner. You should have two extra pins because you followed my direction and took six from the box at registration.
7. Use the last two pins to affix the leading edges of the number. If you want to go crazy, you can use EIGHT pins. Get an early start.
Last week, in a horrible rush, I allowed a newbie teammate to pin me. Big mistake. Not only did I have a parachute on my back throughout the entire hammerfest. I also had a straitjacket that could embarrass Houdini.
I got back to my car lacking the manual dexterity that comes from said hammerfest. I tried to remove my jersey (a pullover). It won't move. The worst scenario has happened: My teammate has pinned through through my bib shorts and to my baselayer. TWICE! Now, picture this for a moment: I can't just pull everything off in one piece like you would a pullover because it's all pinned together. You know how a woman can remove her bra without removing anything else? Very hot. I also can't do that because I'm pinned to my shorts AND baselayer.
I am now alone in the parking lot trying to reach behind my shoulder blade to remove not one but TWO safety pins. If I pull up too hard, I give myself a wedgy. If I try to go low, I almost break my arm. My fingers aren't working well because my hands are still shaped like the handlebar. It took me several minutes to get the first pit undone, many of which were spent just resting from the effort.
I fight the temptation to get a pair of scissors and cut myself out of this mess.
The lesson is obvious: when called upon to pin a friend's number on, PLEASE follow the procedure above.
If it's a rider from another team, ignore everything that I've just said.
Now, you're probably wondering how this story ends. It doesn't. I had to wear those clothes to work on Monday morning. I was finally able to find a coworker able to undo a safety pin just after lunch.

A Two-Part Post

2010-03-25T19:46:00.010-05:00

PART II
Friday, March 26th
First race of the season is tomorrow. Weather forecast calls for 49 and sunny. A day of cold hands and burning legs, I reckon.
I won't even notice the weather, though. I'll be glued to the wheel in front of me hanging on for dear life.
Or who knows? Maybe I'll be off the front in every breakaway (except the winner).
I have no idea how I'll feel.
It's hard to gauge my fitness at this time of year because A. I train alone throughout the winter mixing XC skiing with the gym workouts, and B. I have never used a Power Meter.
I have always eschewed numbers. Heart rate, cadence, distance, speed, kilojoules, watts, roentgens, adiabatic lapse rate, whatever. I have always trained by feel. No diaries. No notes. I don't even wear a watch to know how long I've been on the bike. I just try to get home before it gets too dark.
That all may change here soon. VeloPress is planning to release a new book soon on the topic of Power Meters, and in a moment of foggy thought during a conversation with my publisher, Rene, I made a statement to the effect that "I think I might take the plunge and see what results I can muster by using a power meter.'
Hmm. Interesting . . . in a Morgan Spurlock kind of way.
I could start from scratch and document my findings over the course of a 90-day period. With the help of a few friends who are well-versed in the numbers game, it would be interesting to see how far it takes me, and how difficult/easy it is.
First things first, I need to get through tomorrow. Let me tell you, the nerves have started to warble in anticipation of the first few laps of the season.
Should be fun.
And then I wrote....
Part II
Saturday, March 27th
As it turns out, I certainly did notice the weather: Saturday was sunny and WINDY.
Wind has a way of ripping the race apart. Once a gap forms in front of you, the alarm bells should ring loudly. You have to close the gap, or watch the race ride away from you. Hesitate, and it's over.
At one point early in the race, a huge gap formed splitting the field in half. It grew quickly. (Guess which side of the gap I was on. Yes, the bad side. Of course. Why would you think otherwise?) The race was riding away from us. We were going fast, but the other group was going faster. And a general, momentary apathy came over us, as if we all had quickly resigned ourselves to the idea of being in "the laughing group" today. It happens. Go with it.
The split grew to almost 30 seconds in just a few laps. We were definitely the laughing group, although no one was laughing. And then we got our act together and started working together to try to bring it back. I mean, working HARD.
You can probably tell (by the fact that I'm even telling this story) that we eventually got ourselves back into contention by catching the leaders. All I want to say is that this was one of the hardest days of racing I've ever had. The wind combined with a bunch of younger fast dudes on bikes made it a hell on wheels.
Let me tell you what it's like:
The speed picks up, and you fight desperately to hide from the wind. Find someone bigger than you, and ride as close behind them as you can. But the wind always finds you and makes you work harder. And then the pace picks up again, and you don't look at the person in front of you because that would require you to raise your head up. No, you look at his rear wheel while your nose taps your handlebars. And your legs grind the gears until you feel fire in your quads.
Then you come to the little hill. Before the race, it was a pretty tame little hill. That's because you were going 8 mph. Now you're going 26 mph. This is where your legs complain the most. And in your head, you calculate how many more freakin' times you'll have to climb up this Mt. Shasta. If a gap opens up here, you should start to worry because when we go down the hill, we'll face the wind full-on. If that gap opens at the top, it'll be bigger at the bottom. Oh, the injustice of working up AND down the hill. That's just wrong.
If you survive it (and a lot of riders didn't. We started with about 60 riders, but only 25 riders finished in the lead group.), you will try to find any place on the course to rest. Find any moment that allows you to take a drink of water, sit up, stretch the back, and rest the legs. It's amazing that you can do all that in a 50 meter stretch of road. Unfortunately, you're only given 40 meters. The pace was unrelenting.
WHO is driving this train? What horse is on the front of this line making it go so fast? I want his name and address. I'm going to forward it to the Mob.
The next trip through the Start/Finish area, you hope to see low numbers on the placard indicating that the torture is almost over. Argh! 20 minutes remaining??? Are you kidding me? Seriously, is that a lame joke?
You recalculate the hill. Decide that you have 6 more trips up it. You continue to look for that magic 50-meter stretch of road that doesn't exist today.
By this time in the race, you should know who NOT to ride behind. Here's a hint: if they're smaller than you, or if they're able to tightrope the edge of the pavement, avoid them. (Tim Saari, I'm talking about YOU!)
When the wind is coming from the left side, you want to be to the right of the guy in front of you. That's where the draft is. Unfortunately, it's where the edge of the road is, too. Tim Saari is one of those guys who can take up the last inch of pavement leaving you NO draft at all. Never ride behind him in a crosswind.
I won't mention the names of the guys I hid behind because I don't want them to know that they should learn to stick their nose in the gutter. I'll need them next week.
Somewhere in this melee, your mind starts to look for way to coax the legs into giving more (or NOT giving up). You try to remember all the things you did over the winter to prepare for this day. All that skiing? All those trips to the gym? All those "no thank yous" when offered a sickeningly awesome dessert? All those hours on the rollers? (OK, you know that's a lie. I didn't touch mine all winter.) You try to convince yourself that you're not a year older than last year when you ALSO got your butt kicked - why should this year be any better? You might also plan to bury your face in a sickeningly awesome dessert when this is over. That actually helps.
Finally, the officials indicate that it's dinner time. They ring the bell indicating One Lap To Go.
Good god, what took them so long? There is no sweeter music in the world. Beethoven is jealous of this bell. Angels listen to it to get new ideas.
Hold on tight. If you thought it was fast before, it's going to be even faster. The race to the line is a frantic mess as riders scramble to get in a good position for the sprint. What remains of the field is all those strong guys who were making the race so hard.... and me.
And then it's over, and you find yourself back at the car unable to stand straight up because your body has assumed the 'hide me from the horrible wind' position. You drive home celebrating the fact that you made it to the end of the race, and you start worrying about next week when you get to do it all over again.
Man, this is a great sport.

Yeah, but have you been to Chillicothe, Missouri?

2010-03-19T15:50:00.007-05:00

As someone who works in government (albeit at the muni level), I'm getting an up-close look at the budget-cutting process. Simply put, we're looking for money under every rock. Cuts and consolidations that we never dreamed of are becoming standard procedure. So when I heard the news that the State of Missouri's Department of Tourism is cutting their funding to the Tour of Missouri, I wasn't surprised, but I'm a little confused.
While any expense that isn't a direct and vital function of a government should be scrutinized, an expense that yields such fruit as the ToM should be, I feel, left alone. Scrutinize it, you'll understand what I mean.
The economic impact of the 2009 version of the Tour of Missouri was $38.1 million. It was $29.8 million in 2008 and $26.2 million in 2007. The sales tax on the money spent to generate that economic impact offsets the cost of the event itself. It pays for itself.
If any of the decision makers visited the event, I suspect they likely hung out at the Start or Finish venues and made their assessment from there. That's a bit shortsighted. The real story is out on the road in the small towns and dusty crossroads across "The Pass Through State". I had the distinct privilege of traveling the route each day, so I could see how this event brings out the best in each of the towns and villages. Bands plays, flags wave, people interact, community organizations sell hot dogs, volunteers decorate, and kids get to see a professional sport come to town. But mostly, some people come out and spend money. And other people come and discover that there's more to Missouri than I-70.
It also sends a postcard to the rest of the world inviting them to come and visit. (Organizers track the 'media impressions' as they're sent out. Because cycling is so popular worldwide, those images have gone to more than 170 countries. Try to get that penetration with your next marketing idea.)
In 2007, I pitched the idea of a Tour of Michigan to the Governor's Office. I had a private meeting with her staff members in her Detroit office. I spent two hours showing them all that an event like this can do. They were very excited. I would almost say "breathlessly excited". The only drawback is finding sponsorship money in this economy. Well, if Missouri falls off the calendar, then I'll have to renew my efforts. Missouri has done all of my field research for me, and if they let it go fallow, there'll be a hole to fill in the American cycling scene.
September is a great time to be in Michigan. It was a great time to be in Missouri.
Yeah, was.

Cheaters

2010-03-16T09:37:00.001-05:00

As an announcer, my primary thing is bike races, but there have been times when I've found myself holding the mic at non-cycling events. For example, I worked the Michigan Lifeguard Competition once. I announced a Bed Race in Greenville SC in '92. I hosted a fundraiser auction in '95. Never did a tractor pull competition. (Yeah, that's a swing at Brian Dreber!)
Last week, I was announcing at the American Water Workers Assoc. (AWWA) Michigan Tapping Competition. Take an 8" water main, four guys, a set of tools, some copper pipe, and a faucet. Their task: tap the pipe, connect it to the "curb stop" and then to the faucet in the fastest time.
The rules are pretty simple: you must use the same tools and supplies as everyone else. You get two tries. There are penalties for leaks and other mistakes. Even the rags are supplied by the AWWA, as are the three attentive judges/timers.
Basically, it's a time trial with tools. Pretty fun to watch ... if you're into watching people hook up a spigot to a water main. Surprisingly, it had as many spectators as my last industrial park criterium. OK, maybe not so surprisingly.
The winning time was 1:40, which is 27 seconds off the state record. The winning team gets a trip to the national competition in Chicago.

The competitors were intense as they milled about prior to their event. Picture the start of the Olympic 4-man bobsleigh. Same faces. Same pre-game psych ups. Same posturing. Same physiques. Each team would spend several minutes placing their tools in the exact location, measuring and calculating tube length, and counting the threads on the tapping apparatus.
There was a lot of talk about improved work skills, team pride, the brotherhood of DPS workers, and the hard working blah blah blah.
And then they'd cheat.
Oh yeah. Even in something like this, there was cheating. I won't say which team because it's still under investigation, but the judges discovered "foreign nuts" in the scrap pile at the end of the competition. (They're required to use nuts supplied by the AWWA.) They also discovered oily rags which are forbidden. As I mentioned above, the AWWA supplies the rags. If there's oil present, then someone must have brought it in with them obviously to oil the threads.
I'm flummoxed by the idea that people are so desperate to win something that they'll break the rules to do it. Lehman Brothers, Toyota, Riccardo Ricco, and now water tapping crews from small towns in Michigan.
Who next?

Two Quick Things

2010-03-07T14:34:00.004-06:00

1. We've been waiting for months for it to finally get warm. Today's forecast says temps will be in the upper 40s in the afternoon.
So WHY do people insist on starting the group ride at 9am when it's 26 degrees??? I don't want to bundle up only to peel off layer after layer as it warms up. And I don't want to be totally cooked at 2pm when the day is just getting warm.
2. My luck runs in streaks. Yesterday, they were very short streaks, but I came out ahead in the final count.
Good luck: I have no plans for Saturday and the weather is WARM and SUNNY. Long ride. All mine. (Because I start later in the day.)
Bad luck: On the nicest day of the year, my right pedal breaks when I'm 20 miles from home. (see photo)
Good luck: I'm just 3 miles from one of the best bike shops in North America.
Bad luck: It's up hill almost all the way to the store in Clarkston, and it's into the teeth of a big headwind. I have to ride one-legged all the way there because my right foot won't attach to the pedal.
Good luck: The LBS* is open. OK, that's not really luck. I'm just trying to keep the flow going.
Bad luck: They don't have any of my brand of pedals in stock. Apparently they had a run on Crank Brothers during CX season. (I could buy a new pedal system, but that's not a good idea.)
Good luck: There's a teammate's bike hanging in the attic, and it has my brand of pedals on it. I commandeer his right pedal and ride home.

*LBS: Local Bike Shop

An Olympic Post

2010-02-27T15:57:00.010-06:00

- Canadians have changed. I like the old way better.
- The movement to put Cyclocross in the Olympics needs to get serious quick. Even if it means giving up another cycling discipline in the Summer Games, it's time for 'cross to put cycling in the Winter Olympics.
- The IOC has to know that there are some sports that aren't ready for prime time. Women's Hockey is a good example. It's not a world sport. It's a two-country sport. Look at the scores. Shelf it. Revisit it later.
- I was disappointed to see the NBA-ification of the events in Vancouver. For instance, the JumboTron at the Women's Classic XC venue flashed "MAKE SOME NOISE!!" as the leaders came into the stadium on the final lap. C'mon, do we really really really need to tell the crowd when to get excited? Are they so stupid as to buy tickets, drive all the way to Whistler wearing face paint in the color of their country's flag, sit in the cold rain watching the race for two hours, and then NOT know when to get excited? Doesn't it mean more when it's a more organic and spontaneous swell of crowd emotion rather than a computer generated outpouring of carefully planned applause?
- The Human Interest Factory has been working overtime this year producing heart rending stories on every athlete on the field of play. They're all fascinating, but honestly, don't we all have a story that, if told in soft focus with the right background music, would be just as interesting? Most would be just as compelling without the soft focus and music having to do with defying the odds, overcoming obstacles, and persevering through hardship. Isn't life, itself, against all odds? Aren't any of us just fortunate to have made it this far? Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking that we mint 2 billion gold medals for everyone. I'm just saying that, for me, the Olympics are fine without all the extra stories. I appreciate the athlete endeavors and the achievements of everyone who marched into the stadium. I wish they wouldn't distract from it by adding all the schmaltz. (I know I'm in the minority here and that John Q. Iowa needs those stories to keep from changing the channel.)
- I never watch Figure Skating.
- I'm not surprised by the attention that Curling gets every four years. I'm more surprised by how much attention the attention gets. When I see a news story about how much attention Curling is getting, I think: OK, but how many people will seek out a bonspiel next weekend? None. Come Monday, it'll slink back into obscurity seen only on CBC on Sunday afternoons. It looks interesting in the same way that shuffle board looks interesting.
- My knees still hurt just from watching the Moguls competition early last week.
- Short Track speed skating is chaos. And it's refreshing to see athletes acknowledge this fact in the post-race interviews. In cycling, we have the standard line "That's bike racing." to explain away all the things you can't control. I heard Apolo Ohno say almost the same thing after he was edged out.
- Speaking of Ohno, the best post-race interview ever came after his DQ in the 500m final. He alluded to the Canadian judges, but he also wrapped it up by saying, "I just need to go faster." Classy.
- From a spectator's perspective, the Luge, Skeleton, and Bobsleigh cast no magic spell over me. I'm sure they're challenging for the athletes. I don't mean to diminish the accomplishment, but I just can't watch one sled after the next doing the same exact thing as the sled before it. If they want me to relate to it better, they need to make it more like the backyard luge run that Scott Stanley and I built in 1973. It had pine trees on both sides, a bump that would break our spine, a tree stump that was hidden if we had new snow, a barbed wire fence that we had to duck under, and it ended by skittering us across a pond. Good times. (Remember when I said that we're fortunate to have made it this far? Well...)
- Speaking of Bobsleigh, when those guys hop out of the sled at the end of the run, don't you want to ask them for help with a home improvement project? Or ask to borrow their lawnmower? They look like my neighbors.
- I don't think people were excited enough about the American results in the Nordic Combined. That was huge. And I hope people saw the heart-stoppingly close races in the Nordic Ski events. It's an oft-overlooked sport that produced some of the most incredible finishes. Me? Biased? No sir. But if you'll excuse me, I have to switch my wax to something softer due to the warm weather we've been having.
The photo of Bill Demong's Nordic Combined finish was taken and kindly shared by Todd Hagemans. Thanks Todd!
- Favorite moment: The female German skater who, in the Team Pursuit semi-final, slid across the finish line on her belly but had the wherewithal to put her skate forward to get the best time.
- I know there'll be a huge post-event letdown after this is over for spectators as well as athletes and organizers. It's been a high-energy time with lots of drama and excitement. I lived it in 1996. Life was a vacuum for weeks afterward. What do we have to look forward to after it's over? College and NBA basketball? Thanks, but I'll leave my TV off until The Masters in April.
--- Have a favorite moment? Leave a comment.

Health Assessment

2010-02-11T20:17:00.007-06:00

People come in all shapes and sizes, and they all seem to work in my office building. Tall, skinny, short, fat, round, square and pear shaped.
Our Wellness Committee is constantly offering up ways to get in shape and live healthier lives. One incentive program they've developed is a reimbursement plan in which we receive $250 each year to use toward the purchase of exercise equipment. The only real requirements for this reimbursement are A. be a warm and breathing human being, (I just barely qualified) and B. participate in a health assessment through a local hospital (which is done on site, so it's hard to not qualify).
The assessment consists of a battery of tests (cholesterol, glucose levels, weight, BMI, etc.) and a collection of ridiculously-worded lifestyle questions (exercise, diet, etc.). For example:
1. How many times in the last 6 months did you driven a vehicle when you've had too much to drink? (Seriously? Are people actually providing a number to this?)
2. When lifting heavy objects, do you lift them properly by keeping your back straight, bending your knees, keeping your head up, and using your legs to do the lifting? (Of course not. I lift with my back so that I'll save my leg strength for when it matters: on the bike.)
3. If you are sexually active.... OK, stop right there. No need to discuss that here.
When they measured my height, they decided that I am 5'11". For the record, I haven't been that tall since the 1970s when I wore platform soles. (Everyone wore them, so don't laugh at me.)
When I stepped on the scale, they said the scale was off by 6 or 8 pounds. No sticklers for detail, them.
So based on those suspect numbers, they continued their assessment.
My numbers were all within a decent range except for my LDLs. But at the end of my assessment, they shook their head forlornly and said, "Mr. Smith, you are borderline obese. You need to get more exercise. You need to eat a healthier diet."
They're joking, right?
For those of you who don't know me, I'm of average build. Like most sprinters, I'm mostly leg and butt, but otherwise a normal body shape. I can fit very comfortably into a seat in the coach section of an airline - should the need EVER arise. I row, ride, ski, play tennis, volleyball, golf, and go to the gym regularly. If I'm in poor health it's because I'm beating the crap out of my body, not because I'm watching too many CSI: Des Moines reruns. (I love the episode where someone appeared to have stolen a grocery cart, and they used their investigative skills to determine that on a windy day it rolled across the parking lot and landed in a retention pond.)
Their tally of all my numbers produced that result? C'mon. (Or as my Pennsylvania friends say, C'mawn!)
Meanwhile, I'd like you to meet my co-worker, Mr. X. He weighs 305. Smokes like a Montana grass fire. Drinks a lot. Never exercises. Eats anything he wants whenever he wants. In a word: corpulent. But a super nice guy.
At the end of his assessment, they didn't mention more exercise or a better diet. In fact, they looked at his numbers and actually said this: "Your numbers look good. Just keep doing what you're doing. You might consider losing some weight."
Gosh, I don't think they looked up from their sheet of paper.
Our HR Department was tickled to report that we had 97% participation and that everyone was on the road to a healthy lifestyle.
Apparently, that was the most important aspect of the program.
My concern is not that they got ME wrong in one direction, but that they're getting others wrong in the other direction. To tell someone that they're doing fine - even though they maybe can't tuck their shirt in - isn't doing them any favors.
Ah, but all I can do is work on my LDLs.

The Two-Handed Book - a book review

2010-02-07T17:09:00.007-06:00

I am quick to say that I have only dabbled in the world of Triathlon. Geez, even THAT's a stretch; I did the cycling leg of a relay once. I didn't get wet, nor did I run two steps. Basically, I rode a time trial with other stuff going on and magic marker on my arm and leg.
Now I have to say that I'm at least considering the idea of doing a full one. (No, not a golf - surf - ride tri - an idea of mine that never caught on. I've done several.) No, a real one.
I don't recall the exact page number, but it was somewhere in the reading of Jef Mallett's "Trizophrenia" (please pronounce it like schizophrenia > Trits-oh-phrenia) that it struck me: this sounds like fun - by it's most odd and twisted definition.
Jef is a brilliant guy who isn't afraid to use the most obscure historical, scientific, or literary fact to make a point in a humorous way. His intelligence is what makes his Frazz comic strip so successful. (For example, he gets fan email from domains such as mit.edu, stanford.edu, and rpi.edu. I get email from gmail and yahoo.)
(I'm totally making some of that up. I don't get fan email.)
The wit keeps you on your toes as you read "Trizo". I marvel at how clever he is. We both name Bill Bryson as our favorite author, and I can totally see the influence. I can also see the uniqueness of Jef's writing. Good stuff.
Also keeping you on your toes - more accurately, your fingers - and the reason I call it a Two-Handed Book is because it takes two hands to read it. One hand holds the book while your other hand holds your place as you jump up and down the page to catch all of the footnotes. There are several. And they're hilarious. Worth the effort, for sure.
In a strange way, the jumping back and forth between footnotes and text is a lot like - I imagine - being a triathlete jumping back and forth between all three disciplines. Lose track of one, and your race will suffer.
There's a lot in this book. Yeah, you'd expect that from a book that covers three sports, but much more than just an explanation of what the sport is. It's a close examination of the three mindsets of an athlete that's not content with just one discipline.

I don't know who did his artwork, but it's a total rip-off of Roadie. That's all I'm going to say about that.

I haven't picked which triathlon I'm going to do this summer. I'll keep you posted.
Read the book. Pick your event. And let me know where it is.
I won't be there to watch it. I just want to know if you're able to rise to the challenge.

Red Carpet II - I have more to say.

2010-02-06T08:31:00.017-06:00

Thank you for pointing out my omissions. I guess I got tired of writing during the previous post and just cut it short without really hitting the highs and lows. I have to return to the topic and include them for the benefit of my non-cyclist readers who shouldn't be deprived of the opportunity to marvel at the hideous designs that somehow made the jump from sketched to stitched.
Let's start at the top by starting at the bottom.
Say hello to the Footon-Servetto-Fuji team.

Wow. Where do we begin? Well, that foot logo should be placed squarely on the arse of the person who approved the design. If I were on this team, I would put all my energies into winning my country's national championship (even if I had to bribe the competition) just so I wouldn't have to wear this thing. I need to revise something that I said in the previous post. I said, "The funny thing is that when you get 160 of these jerseys together and mix them all up, they all look great."
Not with this one tossed into the mix. That's like adding cilantro to tiramisu.

Is this the 2010 Milram jersey? Really? Well, I guess when your sponsor deals in flavoured curds, cheese, as well as buttermilk and whey drinks, you're going to have stuff like this happen to your jersey.

Here's the 2010 Astana Jersey looking much less K-Marty and much more toddler pajamas-y. They're the national colors of a country I probably won't be visiting. (Who knows, maybe my boss, Mr. Mayor, will develop a Sister City relationship with a suburb of Astana.) Me? I'm much more likely to be found eating flavoured curds in Germany.

I like the colors. I was never a fan of the old CSC jersey (I'm definitely in the minority there, I promise.), so I'm glad to see Saxo Bank has taken them in a totally different direction.

Team Sky from G.B. Everyone thinks they're going to come out and kick some butt. We'll see about that.
I've heard some negative things about this design already. I happen to like it. Simple. Bold. And hopefully it will erase from our memories the image of the old EDS track team that used a very similar design. By the way, are they still in jail?
Some might suggest that there's something sinister about the heavy use of black. I suggest that the heavy use of white is nothing if not weak. Case in point (from a few years ago):

Granted, this came from a team that was left in the lurch when they lost their title sponsor. This was almost a new twist on the blank slate "Your Logo Here" campaign. Eventually, Columbia stepped up with cash and changed the design accordingly.
We can't complete this look at jerseys without revisiting some other classics from the past.

Castorama is (was?) a Euro version of Home Depot. Somehow, they felt that overalls would work well on a cycling jersey. They were wrong. This one lasted just one of two seasons which is what happens to silly designs. (Are you listening Footon-Servetto-Fuji???)

Here's the Panasonic jersey that I referenced in the previous post. It's a classic much like the 7-Eleven jersey. Two requirements that I can give for a classic to become a classic:
1. It doesn't change much from year to year, and it lasts many years.
2. They won a lot of races.
Case in point...

They won tons. They didn't change the jersey much. A modern classic.
Check me on this one. Wiki says that MAPEI stands for "Materiali Ausiliari Per l'Edilizia e l'Industria", Italian for "Auxiliary Materials for Construction and Industry". During the 1995 Tour DuPont, I had an employee tell me that it stood for Mortars, Adhesives, Polymers, Epoxies, Industry". In your face, Wikipedia!
To summarize what we've learned here:
- Flesh-colored jerseys should be outlawed like the EDS team.
- Cows should be black and white. Never blue.
- A classic is less about the design and more about the wins.
- Wikipedia can't be trusted.

Cycling's Red Carpet

2010-02-02T16:47:00.032-06:00

Tuned in too late to catch the Red Carpet portion of the Grammy telecast on Sunday, but I can guess how it went: a flamboyant male TV host with pink hair coloring rips on some, kisses the butts of others, and generally holds court on all of the women's dresses. I thought they all looked fine. Who am I to judge fashion? Have you seen what I wear? And if Pink wants to dip herself in water and hang near-naked from the ceiling by a silk thread? I'm cool with that.
Let me assure you that if cycling had a Red Carpet, cycling fans would be quite vocal about who was hot or not.
Jersey design is a topic that nobody really talks about, but everyone has an opinion on at every level of the sport. Believe me, if your club jersey is funny looking, EVERYBODY is talking about it. Just not to your face. And if you happen to slip through the fashion wormhole and come up with a cool design, you'll hear about that.
I have a John Deere kit that I got from a team in Athens GA that makes straight men downright giggly.
Everyone has their favorites and least favorites. Here are some to ponder.

My all time favorite is the Alfa Romeo jersey from the 1980s. For me, this conjures up memories of Dan Franger/Matt Eaton/Tom Broznowski/Jeff Rutter in the Wheat Thins series. Those were the days. I was just getting into the announcing racket when this team was active.

The one that gets the most first place votes is this classic 7-Eleven jersey. Sells well on eBay. I can't even begin to name the riders who wore this one. Too many. Oh, I COULD name them all, but you don't have time.

My other all-time fave is this French-based Mondrian-esque creation that was THE jersey in 1985-86.

Just before the La Vie Claire team ruled the world, the Renault team was the cool one.
I'm skipping the Peugot kit and the Panasonic kit in favor of this favorite. Just the color of it says unconventional. I've been waiting to start a team of my own just so I can resurrect this shade of green.

I was working a race in Lancaster PA in 1990 when our host drove us past a bike shop that had one of these hanging in the front window. We stopped. I bought it. I still have it. No ma'am, it don't fit me no mo'.
OK, so let's bring out the current jersey designs. Like 'em or not, we're stuck with them all season.

A lot of people LOVE the argyle of the Garmin-Transitions kit. They sell a lot of them at the Expo area. There's not that much change from previous year's design save the "Transitions" sponsor name on the chest. When they first came out with the argyle motif, people snickered. The team rocked, and now argyle is the new houndstooth.

Aside from the flip flop in sponsors (HTC will appear over Columbia in '10), this team changed little in their kit design. They're down to just four American riders in 2010. (2 men, 2 women) But they still have the Manx Missile Mark Cavendish which made this jersey the fastest one on the road in 2009. It'll appear in a lot of race finish photos - usually with a guy with his hands in the air.
I'm not crazy about the faux abs painted on the front, but do you think I'm going to take that up with Stapleton?

Bold. I like the darkness. It reminds me very much of an old local jersey in the Detroit area. (The background looks like Lake Superior, but I'm told it's a pond out west. The kind you can't drink.) This team kind of exploded this year - in a good way. Going big was in their strategic plan. This is the year that they really made the jump by signing several big names in the game. This jersey design is also a striking move. I would say it's much more bold than....

...THIS. When Radio Shack announced their involvement in the Lance Continuum, everyone wondered what the jersey would look like. The mistake these people made was to believe that a big name and a big budget would mean a big design. So far, the reaction to this ... dare I call it a design?... has been luke warm. I've always been against the use of grey in a cycling jersey. Who wants to match the color of the road? Of course, some will love it because of who is wearing it. It's not in my top five. You can form your own opinion. Perhaps it'll last as long as their batteries. I'll give you this: it's marginally better than...

a-sta-NA. Did you know that, in Kazakhstan, they pronounce it with the emphasis on the NA? Weird, huh? Look at me stall for time while I try to find something nice to say about this KMart looking jersey. ... ... ... I got nothin'. Never liked it. Can't lie to ya.

At the Tour of California Expo area, the team camp with the busiest souvenir booth was Rock Racing. Always 10x as busy as Garmin or any of the others. Contrary to what you might think, people weren't standing in line waiting to buy a Team Type One jersey. I can't figure out why. Rock Racing was the hot item last year.
I haven't seen Rock's 2010 design yet. I think they're more concerned with getting licensed to race than designing a winning jersey. We'll cut them some slacks.
Get it? Slacks?
Rock Racing is sponsored by Rock 'n Republic Jeans.
( long pause )
OK
...moving on...

OK, this is the last one. Cervelo. Distinctive, I guess. People like it. Basically, it's the logo for the bike manufacturer placed on a black jersey. Easy to find in the peloton. Cycling fans recognize it quickly. This design would probably make me look thinner, so I should probably be a big fan. Unfortunately, I'm just big.
As a cycling fan and race announcer, I've seen a LOT of jerseys. Tons. And as a club member, I've tried my hand at jersey design. It's not easy. What looks good on paper doesn't look good on a body. Some jerseys have been memorable (GS Mengoni, Saturn, Subaru Montgomery, Wheaties-Schwinn, etc.) Some have been forgettable (Sunkyong AKC, Montgomery Bell, Monex, ScotBiKyle, Kelly Benefits, first year of USPostal). The sponsor's corporate colors and logo have a lot to say about it. And the final product is usually the result of a focus group committee that met through internet conference calls comprising of people that have never been to a bike race.
Singularly, we can scrutinize them like dresses on the Red Carpet. The funny thing is that when you get 160 of these jerseys together and mix them all up, they all look great.
I guess we should just be thankful not to have to see George Hincapie dipped in water and hanging near-naked from the ceiling by a silk thread and singing.
Have a favorite? Post a comment?
Can't get that image of George hanging in the rafters out of your head? Sorry.

Perspective

2010-01-31T19:58:00.001-06:00

"Too much bloody perspective." (<<< another line from that classic movie Spinal Tap.)
We go about our lives quite routinely. Everything in its place and time. I wake up at 7:50a. I run through the shower. I sit on the kitchen counter eating Grape Nuts (which are neither grapes or nuts). I arrive to work, usually late but before the boss. I work. I come home from work, I go to the gym, I come home, I write (or I stare at blank pages). I cook some sort of edible substance that passes for food. I look at my bike sitting on the trainer begging to be ridden. I look away. I laugh at how much money I spent on the trainer. If it's Thursday I watch an hour of TV. I go to bed.
We take it all for granted. Groceries. Book stores. Bike shops. Sushi at that place downtown.
This week, I'm forced to take time off for reasons that aren't really important, but it involved anesthesia, an incision, and a gown - not in that order. As a result, I'm sitting on my arse watching Netflix and staring at blank pages. My training regimen derailed, I'm looking at a gaping hole in my training calendar.
This is the time of year when every serious Roadie should be hitting it hard in preparation for the upcoming season. There's an adage that says, "Winter is for fitness; Summer is for fun." Well, it's winter, and I'm having neither fitness nor fun. And like any typical Roadie, I'm imagining/fretting that every other racer is becoming Arnold freakin' Schartzeneger during this 'off season' and will crush me like a worm at the first race of the 'on season' which begins seven weeks from now.
I've had some friends complain about catching a cold that puts them out of action for a few days.
Well, all it takes is one quick look at any news outlet for a dose of perspective: Haiti.

(photos of the people of Haiti taken by my brother, David)
I've never really been in an Earthquake (see story below). I can only imagine what it's like to have your house shaken like a polaroid picture and discarded. In Haiti, routines will take many months to restore... if you live.
Snap back to reality. My four days on the couch are embarrassingly minor when compared to 4 days trapped under the rubble that was once your house.
It shouldn't take a major catastrophe to remind us of these things.

My one and only experience with an earthquake: San Francisco, 1994. I'm in the hotel lobby at 5am to catch a shuttle to the airport. As I'm checking out, the man with a heavy accent behind the counter asks me, "deed you feel air-di-quate?"
I thought he said, 'did I feel adequate?' as in, did I sleep OK? Hmm that's a funny way to ask it, but I got it. I try hard to understand people who speak funny, so I was happy that I figured it out quickly without making him repeat it. I dismissively said, "Yeah, Everything was fine."
No, he asked it again with emphasis on the Air-di-quate?
Long pause.
Ooooh, earthquake! Yeah. No, I didn't feel it.
Apparently, it was the kind of shaker that rousts everyone from their room and into the hallway.
I slept right through it, and now must rely on my imagination to know how horrible it must be to literally have your world come crashing down around you.
A week off the bike is no big deal. Even in February.

Zirbel

2010-01-30T08:46:00.009-06:00

So here we are again with a rider that everyone liked getting dragged into the torture chamber. The news came out recently that NRC Champion Tom Zirbel's "B sample" tested positive for a big fancy pharmaceutical word: Dehydroepiandrosterone. That confirms the negative result on his "A sample" which pretty much seals his fate for the next two years: his name will be surrounded by question marks; his life will be surrounded by nothing that looks like a bike race. Nobody in this sports wins an appeal against USADA, so the rider with one of the best attitudes and brightest futures will likely serve a two year suspension.
His accomplishments from the past season are for nought despite his protestations of innocence.
(Photo by Dan Socie - Zirbel riding the Grand Rapids Criterium)
And every columnist/reporter/observer is saying the same thing: how can this happen? How can a professional athlete make a conscious decision to ingest a banned substance? OR, if it was unintentional, how can a professional athlete not know what he's putting in his body? They're also asking "Why Tom Zirbel, of all people?"
There is a supposed financial reward if you don't get caught, but the amount of testing these riders go through in - and OUT - of competition makes it almost impossible to slip through the cracks. (For example, if you win-place-show in a big race, you'll be ushered straight into the Medical Control RV that's parked a few feet away from the podium. Nobody hides from the testers if they're carrying a silver medal at the national championships.) And the risk far outweighs the reward; you'd have to be an idiot to think you could get away with it. (Zirbel has even said as much.)
So into the torture chamber he goes. In his prime at the age of 30, Zirbel will miss two valuable years of peak earnings. He will give back his silver medal and NRC title. He will live under the shadow of doubt as cycling fans ask: did he or didn't he?
If he did, shame on him. If he didn't, shame on the flawed system.
And that's a question that should get equal footing. What if he's telling the truth? At what point do we re-evaluate the system to ensure that it's not broken? That so many people are questioning the outcome of these tests heightens my curiosity.
Why, even four years after the fact, are so many people in the cycling world still not believing that Floyd was guilty in 2006? And why do people stop talking altogether when Lance's name is mentioned?
The whole thing is curious.

"It goes to eleven."

2010-01-21T22:00:00.003-06:00

Another famous movie line from yet another famous movie that every decent upstanding American has seen countless times...
In this instance, it applies to eleven speed shifting.
I'm just putting this out there now: I'm never switching to 11-speed.
I see no compelling reason to switch. Why bother?
In the comment box,
1. Convince me otherwise in 25 words or less.
2. Name the movie referenced in the Post Title.
3. Tell me how many times you've seen the movie.
If you haven't seen the movie yet, I laugh at you with vigor.
Last minute addition:
4. Tell everyone your favorite quote.
Here's mine: "I envy us."

"Put THAT In Your Book"

2010-01-18T20:56:00.007-06:00

Quick. Name the movie.
I'll give you a minute to think about it. Here's a hint: Costner imitates a buffalo
I've been repeating that line a lot lately as I put together a story for the book that I'm currently working on. The ideas come when when they come. I don't really control them. They come to me. I say to myself, 'put that in your book'. I collect them in a mental sack and type them up when I get to my keyboard. Some of them come to me just as I'm going to sleep. Some come to me when I'm at the gym. I love when an idea comes to me during a staff meeting at work. My co-workers see me frantically jotting down something in my notebook, and they assume it's work-related.
It's work. And it's related, but not to them.
So what kind of book is it?
It's not a how-to book.
It's not a history of cycling book.
It's not a war-stories book.
It's definitely not a sequel to Roadie.
It's a 'tweener. It's aimed at the younger reader from 10 to 15 - a tough market that VeloPress has yet to crack with any measurable success. And I think I'm the one who can do it, even if I don't have any characters who are vampires.
I'm happy to report that I'm finally rolling on it. I sat on three of four pages for several of months as I was developing characters, carving out a story line, and inserting a lesson or two. I'm up to 40 pages now and have the outline laid out for almost the whole story. I'm still leaving room for plot twists and character revelations. And I hold out hope that I'll stumble upon a workable conclusion sometime between now and when I finish the damn thing.
No, I'm not going to divulge the plot line here. It's about bike racing. That's all you get right now. What you can do for me in the meantime is start making a list of every kid you know in that age range, and get ready to buy them a book for Christmas 2010.
I hope to have it completed by March for a Fall release...that is, if VeloPress likes it. If not, I'll have 250 pages of electronic recycling material.
Dances With Wolves. The title of this post. It's a line from that movie.
Put THAT in your book.
Ironically, somewhere in that same scene, the same character delivers this classic line: 'why don't he write?'.
He don't write because he's probably trying to come up with a storyline.

Side note: Dances With Wolves is the same basic premise as Avatar: soldier goes out to the frontier to study the locals. Becomes one of them. Fights against his own army. Dances With Wolves had better music. And as you know, music is a drug.

Music is a Drug.

2010-01-16T20:37:00.013-06:00

This is a post about music, and it comes with a sample or two for you to listen to while you read it.

If you attend special events of any kind, you may have an opinion of what sets the good events apart from the not-so-good events. Traffic, parking, security, and clean bathrooms are the basic items that MUST be addressed in the plan. Then we add the items that add value: food vendors, attractions, information, and ease of movement.

One sign of a well-though-out event is the use of music. It's usually the last detail to get attention during the planning phase, yet it's a key component in the overall tone of the venue. It is, to be sure, the soundtrack for the event. Poor music choices won't kill an event, but a good music track will make it so much better.

Anyone who produces/manages a special event needs to devote time to this art. Any good bike race announcer will put a lot of thought, time, energy, and MONEY into the music they play during the bike race.

The challenge is to find good music that helps set that mood without drawing attention to itself. OK, I'll admit it, we're pulling a Disney and working to manipulate our audience by using the subliminal effects of music. If we do it right, people won't even notice what we've done. If we do it wrong, the event misses an opportunity.

You can't simply throw together a mix CD of popular music. There's much more to it than that. For example...

We'll start at the end of the race: the link at the top of this post is the song I like to use during the last lap of the race when things are at a fevered pitch. It's called "The Race" by Yello. It's a different arrangement than the one I used, but you get the idea.

This year, I've taken a page from Brad Sohner's book and started using Thunder by David Robidoux. That's right. I stole his thunder. It's written for NASCAR, but it fits the mood of cycling. You'll have to search for it on iTunes.
I'm open for suggestions on which music to add to my race library for the coming year, but be warned: I already have an extensive collection of field-tested family-friendly race-approved music, and I have off-the-beaten-path tastes. So if you're going to make a recommendation, it can't be too mainstream.

Mainstream music usually comes bundled with its own agenda or pre-assigned meaning from too much exposure on the radio. The obvious choice of popular music may not work at a bike race. For example, if it was used at the Olympics, we won't touch it. We aren't the Olympics.

As I said, Thunder is a NASCAR song, but it also happens to be obscure enough that the bulk of our audience probably won't draw the connection. It works.
( Photo caption: although I'm talking to Davis Phinney, I'm never beyond arm's reach of my sound equipment located right behind me. There's nothing worse than having the music end. (And I mean that in a philosophical way, too.)

Classical music works well if it's not really well-known. Beethoven's 5th? Not so great. Mendelssohn's 4th Symphony 4th Movement works really well. It worked really well in the truck drafting scene in Breaking Away. (If you're listening to the first clip, you'll need to pause it.)

Other types of music that don't work: heavy metal, rap, and certain types of techno.

We (Brad and I and others) also avoid matching words to fit the action. It's too easy. Too simplistic. Don't bother suggesting "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones at the start of the race. That's been done at NBA games for years without any creativity whatsoever.

We'll also avoid cliches, so I can promise you that you will never hear Queen's "Bicycle Race" coming out of my speakers.

And if you ever want to insult a race announcer, take a stack of unlabeled homemade mix CDs up to the stage and say, "Your music stinks. Play these." Hoo boy! That's a dandy way to make friends. (Actually, we have a pretty effective counter-tactic in our bag of tricks that you will NOT appreciate, so maybe you'd better not try this one.)

(Phot caption: Look! There's Price Stevenson running the music for Jeff Roake at the 1995 DuPont.)

{Random unrelated thought: for reasons I can't really explain here, I probably won't be playing Coldplay's Viva La Vida at a bike race in the near future. Maybe next year. We'll keep our fingers crossed.}

I think announcers have the best job because we get to talk about a cool sport all day long. But the hidden thrill is when we emulate the great sound track artists of cinema... Ennio Morricone, John Barry, Jerry Goldsmith, Michael Kamen, etc... but in real time. That's magic.

OK, now pause the music that's playing now, and get ready for greatness. To wrap up this edition of Play That Tune, I have one more song for you. Here's the piece that I use at the very end of the day when I end the show. After thanking the sponsors, I sign off with this one. It plays while I pack up my belongings and head to the car after accepting the accolades of all my fans and admirers. (Come to think of it, it's usually a pretty quick walk to the car.)

This rather simple song, to me, IS bike racing. I've played it at almost every single race I've worked including the Olympics, USPro Championships, and the first Tour de Trump. Great great tune.

Thank you, everybody. Have a safe trip home.

Interview with a Common Man

2010-01-13T19:26:00.008-06:00

I worked with Todd Koltes during the summer of 1994 when I was doing play-by-play for the National Cycle League on ESPN2. I think we had a total of 7 viewers. None of us ever got paid. It was a dream job.
I reconnected with TK during the Dahlonega stage of the 2006 Tour de Georgia. Just to show that we're all alike, see how much you have in common with this Pittsburgh native.

1. The first question I always ask someone from Pittsburgh (because they always have an answer): exactly where were you when Franco Harris made his immaculate reception? (Franco was the owner of the Pittsburgh Power in the NCL.)
Well, unlike most true Pittsburghers, I won't confess to actually being at the game. (There were by some estimates, 250,000 people packed into Three Rivers Stadium for that game) I was a bit young at the time to remember. One story that stands out for me was one day, at the time I worked for Franco, he was doing interviews at our office for local news channels on an anniversary of the famous catch. The mystery surrounding the play was if the ball actually hit the turf and it was an actual catch. He told the reporters that he enjoys the mystery and controversy of the play, and that he would never say one way or the other if the ball bounced. After everyone left, I sat in his office and said, 'ok Franco. The camera's are gone. Just tell me....I'll never tell'. He looked at me for 5 seconds, laughed and said, "riiiight!!! Like I'm gonna tell you something I have never told anybody before"! I was a bit humbled by the fact that the great Franco Harris would not share his secret with me. Oh well......The mystery persists.

2. Glad we got that out of the way. You raced in the 1980s and 1990s. What was your favorite part of the sport? If you're not racing anymore, what part about it do you miss the most? What parts DON'T you miss?
I loved the beauty of the sport. That is what attracted me to it. I suppose the culture of it, too (Or counter culture, some might say). I most loved the tactics of the sport and teamwork, despite being an individual sport. Speeding through the corners elbow to elbow trying to get in position at the end of the race. Being such great shape. Comraderie with teammates on rides and traveling to races. I guess I DON"T miss the long solo training rides in the miserable heat or freezing cold.
This is the key question: 3. You're now a pilot for Delta. What comparisons can you make between racing bikes and flying commercial airlines? In other words, how did bike racing prepare you for pilot-hood?
Well, piloting certainly doesn't require the physical tools. Unfortunately it's quite the opposite. Lots of sitting on the rear and eating airport food. I would have to say it takes a lot of discipline and commitment to compete at a high level in cycling as well as becoming a pilot. There are so many years of training, tests, check-rides and evaluations. Most people that set out never make it all the way. Studying days on end for checkrides is a lot like setting out for a century.

4. When did you become a pilot? What made you choose that field? And as a pilot, during the flight, what is the most exciting moment?
I think I always wanted to be a pilot, I just really never knew the road to take to get there. I always loved airplanes, and when I was a kid my Uncles company had a small twin engine plane that I got to ride in up front when he went to a couple business trips. I was hooked. It wasn't until years later when I decided to go for it and make it happen. Franco also told me to strive to do what you want in life and go for it and not make any excuses. So I signed up for lessons and kept getting my ratings back from 1995-1998 until I got my commercial license and flight instructor ratings. In reality, flying mostly is sort of tedious. Exciting moments are usually in bad weather, landing in heavy rain, snow or fog. The heart rate there can get pretty high, like the end on a 2 minute power interval! I have had a couple wake turbulence events that get you going, too.

5. You've been to more cities than a Cat 2 racer. Which spot in America do you always want to go back to with your bike?
Everytime I am in Northern California I dream of having the bike! Utah looks pretty awesome, too! I lived in Dallas for 3 years, but didn't care for that much.

6. What's your favorite cycling destination? Don't say Monaco. I know that's a lie.
Well, I have to say the French Alps! My favorite rides of all time were Alpe d' Huez, and Mt. Ventoux. You would be familiar, because you were on both of those rides with me! (That's us freezing with Mark Cesar on the Ventoux. I can still fit into that jersey!) Closer to home I have to say I have a couple of rides in the North Georgia mountains used in the Tour de Georgia that I LOVE riding. Great roads and climbs!

6a. How many bikes did you own at your peak? And which one was your favorite?
Hmm. I never had a big fleet. I guess 4 was the most. 3 road bikes and a mountain bike. My first Carbon bike was a Giant our team got from our bike shop sponsor. I really though that one was cool.

7. Who do you like in the 2010 Tour? Can you catch a hop over to catch the last few stages?
I would love to. I keep telling myself one of these years I definitely will. Probably not 2010. We just had a baby girl in July, and she will only be 1. I think Contador will surely be tough to beat. It will probably be a duel between Contador and the Schlecks again.

8. Is Jake on ABC's The Bachelor crazy? He eliminates the USAF Captain right off the bat? What's up with that?
HA! Jake works at my company and I know him. I have actually flown a few trips with him when I was a First Officer. Good guy! I hope he finds a good one! Not sure about the USAF pilot. I thought he should have kept her around for a while!

Just thought I'd give you a peek into the normal life of a guy i know.
I'm working on a theme here. Stay tuned for future posts.
Now go ride! Or ski.

Polar Ride 2010

2010-01-01T14:12:00.003-06:00

By the time I was able to muster the confidence to shoot while riding one-handed on slippery roads, the pack of riders had thinned out to a lead group of about 12 riders. I'm sure the FRCC website will have photos of the entire group, but I missed it.
A wind chill of 10 degrees. Icy roads underneath a sloppy layer of snow. 100 riders of all abilities.
A typical Polar Rhino Ride presented by the Flying Rhino Cycling Club.
It was an idea that was just crazy enough to work. Now it's in its 20th year.
I saw riders of age 10 or 11, and riders in their 70s. That's a cool way to start the year.

Sweetness.

2009-12-30T09:41:00.002-06:00

Hot on the heels of creating the perfect winter riding machine (see below) and declaring it The Ultimate Winter-Killer, I immediately hung it on a hook and went up north without it. Old habits die hard, I guess.

I CANNOT understand why more people don't do this in the winter? I'm completely baffled.

The Ultimate Winter-killing Machine

2009-12-28T10:43:00.011-06:00

Behold, the single-speed mountain bike with Finland-made studded tires on the front AND back. It's +20-year-old frame replete with 1980's paint scheme snatched from the hook in the basement and put back into action.
I can now ride in any conditions.
I can now ride throughout the winter.
I can now put myself at incalculable risk by venturing out onto roads made of solid ice where cars have absolutely no turning or stopping power.
I can now, finally, experience true cycling burn-out by spending entirely too much time on the bike.
And just so you don't think I've been diddling away my hours between Xmas and New Years putting off the real job at hand: writing book #2, here are two more single-speed creations making use of older framesets that were also banished to the basement hooks years ago.
That's a Zinn Morgul-Bismarck purchased at the Turin Bike SHop in Evanston on 3 June 1989 for $600. (I was in town for the Sundance Grand Prix event at the Northbrook Velodrome. Pursuit specialist, Mindy Mayfield, helped me decide on that one. The salesman dissed her because she was a girl, not knowing that she had recently won a bronze medal at the World Championships. We never said anything to him.)
The last one is the first one I ever bought: The Motobecane Grand Touring purchased on 5 May 1981 at Marquette Mountain Ski Area. Cost me $480. That's the one that I reference in Roadie in which my Air Force
cohorts thought I had lost my freaking mind. I put more miles on that bike attempting to distance myself from the same USAF cohorts. (For this rebuild, I specifically chose the ugliest handlebar tape in the world because a friend of mine recently went through an ordeal unable to match the white bar tape with the white accent in the bike's logo. In honor of her ordeal... )
What's notable in this whole post is not that I've finally followed the single-speed trend (x3), or that I have been avoiding the task of writing a book, or that all of my bikes are finally functional (though decidedly not fast), but that with astounding clarity, Roadies can recall exactly where and when and for how much they bought each bike.
In the comments box below, I invite you to list your bikes, the dates and places of purchase, and cost.

Note: There is an unwritten rule in the cycling world in which all demonstrative photos of a bike must be shot in front of a white garage door (closed) with the drive-train facing the camera. In case you were wondering why all three bikes were shot "a la mugshot".
/object>

Pain in Small Doses

2009-12-20T10:55:00.003-06:00

While out on a ride on Saturday, the thought struck me: this hurts.
And in case you wonder what cyclists think about while out on a 4 hour ride, here's a glimpse:
After that initial thought of "this hurts", all of those monster training rides that I've been on throughout my career came flooding back to me: they hurt, too. Some of them have been all-out death marches. Some of them have left me so hurt that I had to sit down while in the shower. (Now THAT'S what I call a great ride!)
Seriously, we push ourselves so hard in the name of fitness. It borders on wrong. What do non-athletic people do? What would it be like to be able to walk into work on Monday with no soreness anywhere in my body? What would it be like to not wake up in the morning and take ten minutes to walk to the bathroom. (I exaggerate, of course, but getting old still sucks.) What would it be like to go to a restaurant and order ANYTHING off the menu and not worry about how many miles I'll have to ride to work those calories off? Those people never feel the pains that I felt yesterday. My neck was on fire. My legs were screaming. My hands were numb. It was also 27 degrees, so I had to battle yet another source of discomfort.
The health experts say that if I sit in front of the TV and eat garbage, I'll eventually become a candidate for a heart attack. What does a heart attack feel like? Is it equal to the sum of all of the pain I've brought upon myself on these monster rides? Did I perhaps avoid one large payment in exchange for several - and I mean SEVERAL - smaller payments along the way?
Or could I have been watching TV and eating garbage the whole time thus avoiding this perpetual feeling of being hit by a falling tree?
I look outside at a cold landscape now and think, 'Do I get dressed and do it all over again today?'
Probably.

Wx

2009-12-19T08:40:00.008-06:00

It's winter. It's 20 degrees out there this morning. We awoke to find a thin layer of snow on the ground. The Wx forecasters were predicting... here's the direct quote...."we can look for a dusting or maybe up to an inch of snow by morning".
Aren't we splitting hairs? Do we need to be so precise? Can't we just lump the two together? Can't they just say, "we can look for JUST enough snow to mess up the roads and make it dangerous to ride a bike." because that's all that matters to us.
Don't get me started on Wx people. They go a little overboard with their delivery in other areas. You know the scene:
A man standing in front of a computer-generated map of, in our case, SE lower Michigan telling us what the current temps are: It's 28 in Lansing, 27 in Brighton, 28 in Ann Arbor, 26 in Flint, 27 in Clarkston, 28 in Pontiac, 29 at Metro Airport.
Really? Is that necessary? Can't you just say, "Eh, it's about 27 everywhere."?

Can anyone drive to those towns and feel the one-degree difference in air temperature? No. You're just filling air time until the sports guy is ready.
Alert me when it's 70 in Lansing and 20 in Flint. That's probably something worth noting.
And don't bother with the wind chill. That only applies to exposed flesh. It doesn't affect inanimate objects, and it becomes irrelevant when we put on a coat. Starting at around Thanksgiving, very few of us are leaving the house with exposed flesh.
Also, don't waste 10 minutes telling us what the weather WAS earlier today while we were in the office. We can't do anything about it now. It's what we refer to as 'h-i-s-t-o-r-y'. Onward and upward.
And my message to the general populace: if you live in the south, don't expect sympathy when you get nailed with a huge snow storm. We're not sympathetic; we're bitterly jealous. We know you'll totally misuse it. When we get a foot of snow, we groom it and ski on it. When you get a foot of snow, you squander it.
Getting back to the WX forecasters: you can stop trying to predict the amount of snow in the approaching storm. Your accuracy record is pretty bad. Detroit Lions Bad. Let's just leave it at, "Well, let's just wait and see what we get, shall we?" Because if you do it that way, you can stand in front of a map tomorrow and say, "They got 3" in Lansing, 2" in Brighton, 2" in Ann Arbor, 3" in Flint, 3" in Clarkston, 2" in Pontiac, 2" at Metro Airport, and a dusting to an inch in Rochester damn Hills!

Note: Hours after I wrote all that, it was pointed out to me by Sammut that the weatherman mentions all those towns simply because the towns like the publicity much like racers like hearing an announcer say their names over the P.A. That's a brilliant explanation. And I'd like to just add that Bradley, Jason, Kelly, Ray, Mark, Jeff, Ricardo, Scott, Frank, Joy, Jef, Dave, Renee, and Liz-Jen have nothing to do with this post.

Getting on board the CX train

2009-12-05T09:42:00.018-06:00

I'm trying to get "into" cyclocross. Seriously, I stand on the periphery contemplating the idea of thinking about the notion of actually doing it. It's hard because... it's hard. I mean, it's a hard sport. There's no place to hide. You can't cover up your spotty training methods by tailgunning on the back of the field. How do you think I survive most road races? By sitting in the back and sprinting at the end. Hello??
'Cross racing is an all out effort and an entirely new set of skills. And it's a whole new stable of toys that goes against my anti-hoarding tendencies (see below). It also comes at the time of year when I'm pretty much sick of the bike. I usually pull back on the stick in October and November. By December, I've made the train-sition to skiing and the gym. But there's something about the CX scene that intriues me. It intrigued me enough last weekend to take my camera out to shoot a race at Springfield Oaks.
(Parenthetically, I've been going to Springfield Oaks since it was built in the early-70s. There are more memories at that park than I can remember. Wait... is that possible? Like the time Jim Patnode got his Black Angus stuck in mud on the way to the 4-H auction. Or the time Tom Sennett streaked at the fireworks show and nobody noticed.) Here's the latest memory: watching grown men slip in the mud and fall on their arse.

The guy with the trombone was playing all the pep band hits of the 90s including Frankenstein, Eat 'em Up, and Charge.
The racing looks like something people do to ... I don't know... stay in shape or something. So we'll see how it goes next September when everyone is pushing me to race a 'cross race. (Don't worry. I'm well aware that they're only pushing me into it so that THEY won't be the last rider to finish the race.)

The Thundering Hoard

2009-11-26T18:21:00.014-06:00

I live in your standard American "Pleasant Valley Sunday" neighborhood. It's well-kept. Normal Rockwell would approve.
As I drive through my neighborhood, I love looking in people's garages. It's probably wrong to do, but I can't help myself. And I only glance inside when I'm driving or riding through the neighborhood. I don't specifically walk the streets looking into people's garages. That would be weird. It would be fun, but weird.
I'm fascinated by how much STUFF people have in their garage. Boxes and strollers. The brightly colored Fisher Price toddler cars. Mowers. Golf clubs and bikes and bike trailers. Gardening tools. Garden hoses. But mostly boxes. Tons and tons of boxes. I'm amazed at how many of my neighbors can't fit their cars in their garages due to the piles of stuff.
As I was formulating an opinion about it - OK, judging it - I saw a promo on TV for an A&E series similar to "Intervention" (in which they address drug and alcohol addictions). The new show is called (and is focusing on) Hoarders. So I immediately went to the online pantheon of knowledge, Wikipedia, and started my exploration.
It's a serious affliction.
You never hear people say, "Gosh, I love all this junk!" or "I just wish I had more stuff lying around!"; you hear just the opposite, yet almost ALL of my neighbors (informal survey) have tons of STUFF stacked floor to ceiling. I wonder, at what point does it go from just poor organizational skills to an OCD-type problem? And do cyclists suffer from it?
Here's Jef's illustration from "Roadie".

We laugh about how many bikes a Roadie will own despite being able to ride only one at a time. While it's true that we need different types of bikes for different types of riding, we also tend to hang on too long to too many.
When a cyclist dies and their wife asks us to sort through their cycling stuff, we get a true peek into their life. Sometimes, the amount of Cyclephernalia they've accumulated is mind-boggling, yet we understand. We're all that way. One of my friends had 22 Rubbermaid tubs filled with cycling stuff dating back to 6-speed. It took me months to scatter it to the masses. Another rider in our area had 22 high-end bikes in his collection.
We save our old bikes because we tell ourselves that we'll make a "single-speed" out of it someday, or maybe we'll make a "townie" or a "fixie" out of it. And they hang on the hooks like meat in a locker. Again, bad org skills? Or "a collection"? Or OCD?
I recently made a move in the right direction, I feel, by resurrecting two of my old bike frames that I haven't used in a while. They'd been hanging on a hook in my basement since the elder Bush was in office. In my book (Roadie. Available at Amazon or VeloGear.com - get yours today.), I go so far as to declare that I'm holding onto one of them for sentimental reasons. What a bunch of hooey! No more! I refuse to hoard. From now on, if I can't ride it, I'll make wind chimes out of it.
Did you hear me Motobecane? I said I'll cut you up into varying lengths, hang you on my front porch, and let the wind make music out of you!!
(Carbon fibre bikes are exempt due to their non-resonant nature.)
I am pushing back the encroaching tide. I have been, and will forever be, able to park my car in my garage with ample room on either side. I will not lose ground.
Fellow Roadies, I encourage you to take a good long look at your hoarding tendencies and ask yourself, "Do I really need to hang onto this stuff?" Chances are: no.

Of course, my garage is perfect ... once you get past the display of nine functional bikes, and as long as you duck under my scull. And please try not to knock over the golf clubs. And don't trip on the ski equipment. I've been meaning to tidy all that up.

Reflections on an Iceman

2009-11-14T17:06:00.010-06:00

The 20th running of the Iceman Commeth Challenge is behind us. Here are my observations:
Long ago, I made a promise to Skip Obermeyer that I would follow his Rule of Music: play a wide enough variety of music to annoy every member of the audience.
Check that one off the to-do list.
I played the Libera Me movement from Verdi's Requiem. And no one complained. Only one person commented on it: "I sang this in college!"
My point is, pretty much anything goes at a mountain bike race. If they let me play Verdi, they're an OK bunch.
I had a lot of fun at this year's Iceman. It's a great way to end the season (even though 'cross continues to bound along for another few weeks).
This year's event was energized by the addition of 2000 more riders. Promoter Steve Brown lifted the restriction of 2500 entries, and the people came in droves to Traverse City. Now let's just understand why the event exists in the first place: to bring people to Traverse City at a time of year when things are pretty slow in that resort town. This year's inclusion of 2000 more maniacs created an instant family-friendly air of Woodstock. Every other car in town has a rack full of bikes. Every restaurant is full. Hotels and bars are jammed.
Yes, there were glitches, and there were some traffic jams on the course, but the overall feedback was that everything worked. The city of Kalkaska was thrilled. Riders were also happy. And that bodes well for the event that's entering it's third decade on the calendar.
For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a 29-mile long point-to-point mountain bike race through Michigan's northern woods. It rolls over old logging trails, snowmobile trails, and single track and dumps itself into an RV park on the edge of T.C. Michiganders look for any reason to go to Traverse, and this is a good reason.
I was assigned to the finish line in the Timber Ridge RV park. In the morning, it's a pretty quiet place. There are about 300 riders ready to tackle the shorter circuit course at 9am while the longer races leave Kalkaska in waves. Having never really seen a mtb race, I can only guess that this is what most of them look like. Most promoters would call 300 riders "a successful event". Just wait a few hours.
When the short races wrap up, the longer races start rolling in. Then it's a parade of enormous proportion for the next 5 hours as wave after wave of age group and ability come to the finish. Some of them on foot.
Each year, we get a handful of finishers who were forced to run the final miles of the course carrying bikes with horribly disfigured derailleurs and broken chains. Many of the riders have dirt on them. Some have blood. Most have smiles.
One of the best parts of being the announcer for this event is seeing everyone that I've seen all summer one last time before winter chases us indoors, meeting new people from all over, and reconnecting with riders who I haven't seen in ages. For example, Mike Lantz from Indiana and Chip Ellison from Cincinnati. Seriously, it had been YEARS.
The crew that puts this event on deserves 4500 heartfelt thanks. And Steve "Iceman" Brown is one of Michigan Cycling's champions for keeping this thing on a positive upward climb.
The family vibe is alive and well. The party vibe is stoked by a busy beer tent. The brotherhood/sisterhood of cycling is strengthened. Events like this one are what make this sport awesome. On your left is a photo of the East Bay taken from the Grant Traverse Resort. For those of you who aren't aware, Traverse City is one of the things they don't want you to know about Michigan because we have enough damn tourists here already, thank you very much. Wait a minute, WE'RE the damn tourists! Hmmm.
At the end of the event, everyone goes out into T.C. and celebrates the end of training season. And they all make pledges to work harder next year to do better.
We'll see.

Iceman Report coming soon. In the meantime...

2009-11-14T11:11:00.002-06:00

I'll get around to writing down my many observations about the monster mountain bike event called Iceman. I promise.
In the meantime, the delay can be blamed on Book #2.
I'll only say that writing Book #2 is totally different from writing Book #1.
Book #1 was written without ANY research, ANY notes, ANY outline, ANY planning, or ANY forethought. It was almost entirely off the top of my head. If you have dreams of writing a book, don't do it this way. It's not the most efficient way to go about it. (But since I wasn't worried about efficiency, it worked for Book #1.)
Book #2 is underway. Like Roadie, it's not directed at cyclists. You'll understand when you see it. I can't go into it.
For now, all you need to know is that I've spent the past few months laying all the groundwork so that no all I have to do is fill in the gaps with the story. I don't have a working title. I don't have a character's name. But all that can come later.

And that's why the Iceman report is late.

Lights

2009-11-05T18:37:00.004-06:00

I'm normally one who embraces change. But every now and then I'll see small things that have changed, and I'll turn into my "cranky old man" persona and rail against the change.
And let me preface this by telling you how SMALL these things are in the Big Picture.
1. Fig Newtons: they changed their packaging so that it's re-sealable. Why? They went 100 years (I round UP) with the same sleeves of cookies. Why the change now?
The new packaging is slicker. It holds in freshness. But it also makes it harder to get the cookie out. Crumbs everywhere.
And I suspect that there are fewer cookies in the new packaging. I didn't COUNT them, but something tells me that they did it to skimp a little. No problem. I expect that sort of stuff.
You know how the sleeve of cookies had them all in a row? Except for sometimes you'd get one cookie that somehow got turned 90 degrees in the sleeve so that it wasn't like the others? I loved it when that happened. It indicated that one cookie had personality. In a machine that produces consistent results, having one cookie act differently than the others indicates that it had the desire to be different. That's pretty cool. And on further review, frightening. I guess I don't really want my food to think.
Anyway, they changed the packaging.
2. Michigan State Police flashing lights. Forever, the MSP light was a single revolving light on top of the blue car. Today, that light is an LED beacon that flashes.
Small, I know. Big deal.
But there's something very Wal-Mart about it. Like it came from the Christmas display. Chintzy. Fake.
The old red light would shine out across the land and travel in a circle coming back to your eye at regular intervals. It was authoritative. It meant business. It was great when it was behind someone else, not you.
I'm sure we're just lucky to have one MSP car patrolling the roads of Michigan nowadays after all the budget cuts.
3. Televised football with a zillion graphics on the screen.
Do we need the yellow line to tell us approximately where the first down marker is? Really? I mean, it's not exact, so what's the point? I can add 10 to any other number in my head and get an approximation.
Is the score necessary if it hasn't changed in the past few minutes? (I know why they do this. It's so that the guy with the dish can surf across the channel and not invest 30 seconds in the game to find out the score.)
4. I can't think of anything else right now, but I'm sure there's more.
I'll get over it. Kvetching about the small stuff allows me to ignore the big stuff.
Have one of your own? Feel free to leave it in the comments box.

The Other Side

2009-10-22T20:02:00.011-05:00

For the first time in more than 18 years, I've been.... um.... how do I say this?... It's um ... I suppose I should just come out with it... um... Geez, this is harder than I thought it would be... I've been... um... OK, here it goes.... in 3...2........1.... I've been riding around on a mountain bike.
And the gods haven't smiled. The chain broke twice in one week. The first time it broke, I was just a mile from Kinetic Systems Bike Shop where, if you ask real nicely, they offer roadside assistance - as long as it's within a mile of the store. I mean, let's be realistic.
The second time it broke, I was in the middle of Bald Mountain Rec which isn't the most difficult trail system in Michigan, but it's remote enough to require a good long walk to civilization.
Yesterday, after putzing around on dirt roads and rail trails AND after replacing the chain, I hit the single track again. It was... how do I put this....?
It was O.K.
I can totally see the allure. It's a rush. To quickly process the information of the trail as it comes flying at you is a trip. I can feel what it did to my body; I appreciate the workout. There's a challenge around every corner - especially if you don't know the trail as was my case. The turns were so tight I swear I saw my own rear end on several occasions.
But...
You knew I had a big but, right? Well here it is:
After riding frantically for 30 minutes, I had only covered a few hundred yards on the map and my top speed was 12mph.
The thing I like about road riding so much is the speed and the distance. I like having to unfold a map to show where I went. I love the speed.
I haven't caught "the bug" yet. It was a fun diversion. I'll incorporate the MTB into my winter workout. I may even ride it to work more often. (Seriously, this is my commute---->)

I'll hit more single track this fall and do my part to bridge the gap between Roadies and whatever they're called.
So to make a long story short, I've entered the realm of mountain biking. Let's hope this gives me something to talk about at Iceman next month.
And stay tuned. I found a good deal on Time Trial bikes.

TBR

2009-10-08T11:15:00.004-05:00

In some sports, there is a phrase that covers a lot of unexplainable situations. For us, it's this one: "That's bike racing!"
We use it to reason away anything that we have no control over.
A crash happens right in front of you and ruins your chance of winning? That's bike racing!
You do the lion's share of the work in the breakaway only to get beat by a wheelsucker in the sprint? That's bike racing.
You get a flat tire at the point in your training ride where you were about to turn around and have a big tailwind home? That's bike racing. Technically, it's not, but it might as well be.
You finish one place out of the money? TBR.
You drive 6 hours to get to a race, spend $120 in food, gas, hotel, and you win $12 for 4th place? TBR.
Where am I going with this?
To the American League.
The day after the one-game-playoff game between the Twins and Tigers that went 12 innings, everyone in town (Detroit) was lamenting all the missed opportunities and the missed calls by the umpires. They were complaining about the Tigers' inability to get a runner home from 3rd base with one out. They were railing on the right fielder who muffed two plays.
Listening to the sports radio shows on my drive to and from work, I heard one complaint after another about all the that the Tigers did wrong. Each one was missing the point: it's a game. People are human. People act differently under pressure. Things happen.
They were completely missing the fact that it was an amazing game. This single game had every ounce of excitement that you could pack into the sport. Sure, things went wrong. People missed catches and failed to get hits at the right time.
But you never hear baseball fans say, "Well, that's baseball." It's not in their lexicon.
To them, it's always someone's fault. Trade them. Fire the manager. Put them on the bench. Do something to them for not winning.
If cycling has taught me anything, it's to understand that no matter how hard you work at something, you'll never fully control it. Find the beauty in what's happening around you because really, that might be all you get.

Rio vs. Chicago. Seriously?

2009-10-02T22:30:00.006-05:00

It's been just 12 hours since the announcement that the 2016 Olympics are going to be held in South America, and I'm already sick of hearing all the political malarky about it.
And since this topic deals with politics, I will state up front that I consider myself a staunch Independent.
Yes, I believe that Obama should have flown on Air Force Freakin' One to Copenhagen to make a plea on behalf of Chicago. To not go when the other three leaders were going would have been a major snub that would have echoed for years. Had he been successful against the odds, we would have eaten like kings. The economic impact of a the Summer Games is incalculably worth it and efforts to attract it can't be phoned it. That's how the game is played. It's the cost of doing business.
I've heard people spouting crap about the economy being bad and that he wasted money that should have been spent on fixing health care. We're America. We can still afford to fly a plane to Denmark. Get over it. If you want him to fly commercial and sit in Coach, write your congressman.
And now critics are saying that he failed as a president because Chicago didn't get the bid. They don't understand how the Olympics work. Chicago never had a prayer. They were outgunned by Madrid and Tokyo who also didn't have a chance; the Olympics were loooong overdue a visit to South America.
The Games have been in North America, on the other hand, in every decade since 1960.
1960 - Squaw Valley
1968 - Mexico City
1976 - Montreal
1980 - Lake Placid
1984 - L.A.
1988 - Calgary
1996 - Atlanta
2002 - SLC.
And will be in Vancouver in 2010.
Chicago probably had a fabulous proposal. Chicago is a GREAT city. It would have been amazing to have them on the Great Lakes. But you had to know that the IOC was anxious to take their party to Brazil, and Brazil was ready. Heck, as soon as I heard that Rio was one of the finalists, I knew where it was going. It was obvious.
So let's stop blaming the Democrats or Republicans or whoever we can blame for all the mistakes that caused America to fail. And let's stop second-guessing the President's Euro-trip. Even though it was a foregone conclusion, he had to go.
Now, if you want to know how crazy I really am, hear this: Who do I believe needs to start bidding on the Olympic Games? Detroit. Laugh out loud. Go ahead. It sounds crazy if you place it in the context of Detroit 2009, but if you look 11 years into the future, you have to believe that this city will be in a better position. Face it, it can't possibly be any worse than Atlanta was when they were first awarded the bid for the '96 Games. Atlanta was a pit.
OK, maybe 2024.

Roadie out in front.

2009-09-16T19:00:00.004-05:00

No, I didn't take this photo. I was never this close to the front of the peloton.
This was taken by one of the pro moto photo bikes in the caravan. They're a bunch of cool guys who have one of the funner jobs in the race. Jon Devich shoots for various publications and cyclingnews.com. (I don't think he's aware of how close we came to taking him out during Stage 6 when we crested a blind hill and found him and his driver stopped in the middle of the hill. The "photo bikes" will stop abruptly in the oddest places as they are dictated by the scenery. Other caravan vehicles must adjust their driving accordingly. We adjusted. Disaster averted.)
So a big thanks to them for capturing this prize for me.
Caption: Pro peloton tries to read over Jon's shoulder with little success.

El Diablo In Cornfield

2009-09-12T18:53:00.008-05:00

This post requires some explanation:
We've found that there are different types of fans along the route of the Tour of Missouri. Generally, we can categorize them into two main groups: fanatics and casuals.
Fanatics know the sport inside and out. They will drive long distances (sometimes driving 'cross country and sleeping in their cars) to watch the race. We've seen them along the route all week. They're from all over. For example, the Irish couple from Vancouver who we met in California. Oran and Jo. They've come to Missouri to live the life of a true race fan. (we saw them at SIX different locations today!)
Casual fans are the ones who live locally. Usually they just step out of their house to see the commotion. They may have a peripheral knowledge of the sport from what they've seen in the media, or they may have only heard about this thing is going to pass by sometime today. They may know some of the names of the game, or they may not know much at all. They may have Norwegian flags; they may be taking a break from working the fields. Generally, they're just curious about this thing coming down their road.
The Casuals make up the largest percentage of the crowds. We've seen entire towns standing along their Main Street waiting to see the spectacle. It's a very cool thing. We enjoy teaching them about the sport and the event through our massive sound system on wheels .... presented by Michelob Ultra, in case you couldn't tell.
Often times, we'll see a mixture of both groups mingled together along a stretch of road. And usually, it's like this: the Fanatics are standing right next to the road dressed in something that says cycling on it, and the Casuals are sitting on lawn chairs back away from the road. Or maybe they're leaning against their cars.
So today, we happened upon a group of people out in the middle of nowhere on County Road Z. Far from anything, and waiting for the parade to pass by. Four guys wearing overalls sitting on those big giant hay bails (Casuals). A woman sitting in a lawn chair (Casual). And a delightful girl named Annie dressed up in this costume (Fanatic):

In an effort to unite the two groups - the obvious Fanatic dressed as El Diablo and the obvious Casuals dressed in overalls - I started to explain to the farmers the concept of El Diablo and where that comes from. In short...

I'm happy to report that I was mistaken. They all knew the story. They were ALL true cycling fans who had been to France and had seen the Tour and already knew the drill. They weren't Casuals. They were local Fanatics. Awesome! Here in the middle of America surrounded by corn fields and International Harvesters was a group of cycling fans who were tickled to have the biggest bike race come right down their road.
If you want to question cycling's popularity, look no further than Z Highway in Missouri.

A New Announcer

2009-09-11T09:01:00.003-05:00

The Bike Race Announcer's Union allowed a non-Union announcer to take the stage at the Tour of Missouri yesterday. Here's how it sounded/looked:

I'd love to hear him provide the announcing for a criterium.

J.J. has a Big Day Day

2009-09-10T19:52:00.003-05:00

I've been watching J.J. Haedo for a number of years and have been waiting for him to strike it big. Today was a big step forward.
The final 300 meters of the sprint into Jefferson City go up a nasty hill. This video doesn't really show the steepness of it.

If you pause the video when the leaders are right in front of the camera, you'll see J.J. in the dark green Edward Jones Sprint Leader's jersey going up the right side. Thor Hushovd is in the yellow Missouri Tourism Leader's Jersey nearer the camera. Thor's lead-out rider is dropping off the pace. The Liquigas rider is moving up, but it's J.J. at the line. Good for him!
Great finish.

Wanna Join The Crew?

2009-09-10T09:10:00.002-05:00

Every day the Tour of Missouri rolls into a new town. And every day, we hear people ask us "How can I get on the crew?"
Well, for starters, it helps to be CUTE:

Missouri Mission

2009-09-07T21:25:00.005-05:00

The mission of every other rider at this year's Tour of Missouri is to find a way to beat Mark Cavendish. Good freakin' luck. He's riding well, and he has brought the A-Team with him to Missouri.
I will do my best to tell other stories this week, but his is pretty reMARKable, so this one is about him.
Some observations:
- He's a nice guy. In the team hotel, he's approachable and chatty. Granted, we're seeing him in a somewhat protected environment in the Race HQ hotel in which every other person is on the race staff, but I've also seen him among the people, and he's just a normal guy.
I haven't made an attempt to chat with him yet; I will before the week is out. I've seen how he treats other staffers. He's a pro.
- While yous him crossing the line in celebration ... over and over again... I saw him 200m AFTER the finish line today. For just a few moments he looks like a race horse who knows he's the best. It's a very subtle look that I'll try to capture in the coming Stages (because I know I'll have plenty of chances). Anyone who has spent time around races horses will know the look. And it really only lasts for a few seconds. As quickly as it come, it goes. And he stops in his tracks and immediately turns around and seeks out his teammates.

- In the post race ceremonies, he is patient and accommodating. When asked about his chances of winning the overall title, he was taken aback for a brief second . I don't think the idea had ever crossed his mind. He quickly dismissed the notion by saying that he has teammates that are better suited for that.
- He was up on stage a lot today winning three of the five jerseys including that of the race leader.

So, he's a likable guy with great attitude and legs that can go real fast. This race will likely come down to Friday's time trial. In the meantime, enjoy the show.

What Have We Learned This Season?

2009-08-31T20:08:00.005-05:00

Here's what I learned or reaffirmed this summer:
- $30 is the upper limit of what I'll pay for a 30-minute crit.
- I hate having to show my license to pick up my prize money. You know that already.
- I love watching kids learning to ride the Velodrome. (I just stopped by at the Rochester HIlls Velodrome to catch a glimpse of the future stars of track racing. It's a total kick in the head to watch kids grit their teeth and tackle the 44-degree banking. I hope they realize how lucky they are to have that toy in their town.)
- It's possible to bonk while riding a rented bike on Mackinac Island - the last place on Earth you'd expect to bonk.
- No matter how much I try, I can't get emotionally attached to my bicycle. It is, and always will be, just a piece of machinery that I use to go fast. I do, however, recognize that some guys get attached to their bikes on a much deeper level. I don't understand it, but I do my best to not say anything about it... or laugh outright.
- Rest is underrated. I think too many riders ride too much for the amount of racing they do.
- I really think that many riders would be completely happy with a regular Thursday night racing series and only an occasional big event on the weekend. I know a lot of wives who would go along with that. And if you think about it, doesn't that make a LOT more sense?
- I cannot make myself ride a Time Trial. Even if I promise myself a box of Dunkin Donuts when I get to the finish line, I'll quit before I reach the halfway point.
- Only two of my coworkers have read my book. And I'm not bothered by that.
- The sport of bike racing is alive and well.

What did YOU learn or reaffirm this summer?

I have found cycling heaven.

2009-08-25T17:39:00.002-05:00

Look at the back of your left hand. That represents Michigan's Lower Peninsula.
Up near the tip of the pinky? That's heaven. It's where everything you've wanted in cycling comes together.
I'm spending the week in the town of Boyne City. I've lived in Michigan most of my life, and I've spent very little time in this region. I've been an idiot.
Let's run down the checklist:
Paved country roads.
No cars.
Long hills that grind your legs off for a mile or two at a time.
Small towns with general stores.
Lakes to ride around when you don't want the hills.
A complete absence of traffic lights.
If I'm not back by Sunday night, you can sell my stuff and give my house to charity.

What's Happened Here?

2009-08-15T20:29:00.003-05:00

How mainstream do we want bike racing to become? Really.
If today's episode is any indication, I'll be fine with it remaining a niche sport.
Here's the deal: I registered for today's race without my license. They took my money without any issue. I didn't even KNOW the person handling registration. I just gave them my license number. A friend standing nearby said, "Yeah, that's him." Done.
That's how small and trusting this sport has always been. Nobody is trying to cheat the system. We're too small of a world to pull that crap.
I raced.
I took 10th, the last paying spot in my race. Here's where I got a glimpse of the future: When I tried to collect my huge pay-out, they wouldn't give it to me because I didn't have my license - even though the officials, timer, announcer, etc all knew me.
They said "it's the USAC rule".
If so, it's probably the least important rule in the book. And for years and years and years, our small little community has always made allowances for times like this. Riders who have forgotten their license? Happens all the time. ALL the time. I don't know how many riders I've vouched for in the past 25 years in my role as an announcer. Hundreds. "Yeah, that's him."
Incredibly, the woman passing out the prize money has known me for 20 years. And today she goes hard-line on this issue. Where did that come from? Who in this country is going to attend a bike race and impersonate the 10th place rider so as to make off with his prize money? Tell me. Who is going to go to that much trouble for .... are you ready for this... $10?
For some perspective, let me give you this: I guarded nuclear weapons during the Cold War and would let crews into the Restricted Area based solely on personal recognition. "Hey Bill! How's the wife and kids? Help yourself to the nukes!"
And today I have a 20-year acquaintance carding me for a $10 check?
They had no issue taking my money without showing the license, but it became a crime scene when I tried to collect my winnings without my license.
If we hit the bigtime someday and can no longer operate on personal recognition, I'll hate cycling.

The other whacky world of cycling.

2009-07-30T21:08:00.006-05:00

Just so you know what Roadies can go through on a normal day of riding, here's how my 30th of July went:
Ready?
While driving back to the office during my lunch hour, I saw a girl on a bike get struck by a car at an intersection. It was a mild bump, and she wasn't hurt. The driver in a maroon car was looking left while making a right turn at a red light. He never looked to the right because, really, what in the world would anybody else be doing on his road? The girl wasn't wearing a helmet, but got away with it this time. She hopped up and continued on her way as if this sort of thing happens all the time. I didn't get involved as other passers-by beat me to the scene. It was over as quickly as it began.
But wow, what are the odds of actually seeing that take place?
After work, I jumped on the bike and started riding the 20 miles to Waterford for the Thursday Night World Championships (a race in which the only real prize is bragging rights and a sore back for the next week).
As I was riding on a quiet 5-lane highway (quiet because it's in an industrial area), a car passed me. The passenger had the window down and was flipping the bird in my direction. I thought nothing of it. In fact, I turned around to see if there was something more bird-worthy than me. But then the cyclist's dream came true: they got stuck at the red light and I rolled up next to them. Truly, this is what they never think of, and we always wish for. By this time, the window was rolled up. He gave a shit-eating grin (by the look of his teeth....) and waved a shit-eating wave. I just looked at him with no expression. The obvious cowardice of this is overwhelming. We get this a lot; motorists wrapped in tons of steel are William freakin' Wallace when they're moving. But face to face, they hide like kittens. Maybe my massive quads scared him. I'll go with that.
I smirked and decided to let them live another day.
Three miles later, I was pulling up to another traffic light. (riding in this area sucks.) I was passed by a motorist totally engrossed in typing a text message with both thumbs. He, like everyone else, thinks it's possible to see the road while looking at his lap. He, too, got caught at the light. I try like hell to bite my tongue in these situations, but because I hate the taste of blood, I rolled up along side of him and said, "C'mon, don't be doing that shit while you're driving."
Before he could respond... I'm not making this up... a squeal of brakes and a thud. ANOTHER cyclist has been hit by a car. I turned to see a 12-year-old boy and bike rolling in the street. Another maroon car.
Traffic stopped in all directions, so I rode right across the intersection to help out.
The driver was freaking out. The kid was up and pushing his bike to the curb in seconds. He was scraped up and his bike was bent, but he didn't want us to call for help. I was trying to explain to him the need to get a police report. He said he was fine and just wanted to go home. I was trying to explain how freaked out his parents were going to be. He said he was fine and insisted on going home.
Now, my first reaction when people opt out of a police interaction is that they may have outstanding warrants, but since this kid is 12, I'm dismissing that theory. If the driver tries to opt out, I'll put up a fight. And who knows? Maybe the kid had just shoplifted some Necco Wafers.
Another motorist did call the PoPo (police, for you older folks), but the kid was hightailing it home pushing his bent bike all the way. I knew I couldn't detain him against his will, but I did convince him to leave contact information. I'm no lawyer, but I would advise him to at least work this situation for a new bike in lieu of hospital costs. And I got the driver's info before I continued on my way. I later made an attempt to contact the kid's home, but to no avail.
I have to tell you that the next five miles of riding were the most paranoid miles I've ever ridden.
I made it to the race in time thankful to be bumping elbows with 100 other cyclists at 30mph which I feel is MUCH safer than riding on public roadways.

Mess Hall

2009-07-12T20:55:00.004-05:00

Talking to the riders at the Amgen Tour of California in February, I discovered that they actually get sick of eating during a stage race. I'm reminded of this as I watch the Tour de France this month.
Remember that the pro riders are burning about 6000 purposeful calories per day. That means that they need to consume almost 8000 calories per day to keep the tanks full.
Think about that for a minute and how much food that amounts to. That's 4x the normal amount that we're supposed to be eating. And if you're in the Tour de France, you have to do it for 23 straight days (give or take a rest day). And it can't be garbage. You can't just stuff ourself with pizza and desserts aplenty. It has to be good stuff.
At the Amgen, the organizers have it dialed in pretty well. Usually the teams all stay at the same hotel. That hotel will set up a buffet in the banquet room large enough to service about 200 riders/mechanics/staff. And I'm sure there's a conversation that takes place somewhere along the line between the organizers and the hotel staff that goes something like this:
Hotel: How many guests will we be feeding?
Organizer: About 200
Hotel: Fine. No problem.
Organizer: But we'll need enough food for 1000 people.
H: Come again?
O: We'll need food for 1000.
H: One more time?
O: Lots of food.
H: What do you intend to do with the leftovers?
O: There won't be any.
H: I've been in this business a long time, sir, and I...
O: Trust me.
I've attended a few of these team dinners. They aren't anything like when your amateur team meets at TGIFriday's after a race. In that setting, it's a tribal storytelling session in which everyone re-hashes the race from a hundred different angles and you can't get a word in edgewise. At the pro dinner table, they don't say much. It's all business.
Meanwhile, the hotel staff looks on in wonder at the staggering amount of food that disappears in a two hour session.
So when you sit down to your 700-calorie dinner, just imagine what it's like to be hungry enough to eat a horse, and actually having to.

Missouri In Trouble.

2009-07-09T20:50:00.004-05:00

This is a short comment about the state of the Tour of Missouri.
How bad at math do you have to be to miss this point?: The event costs the state's tourism budget $1.7M but brings in an estimated $60M in economic impact.
Now, I know that the Super Bowl inflates the hell out of their economic impact numbers. It's obvious.
But even if we cut the ToM numbers in half and say that it brought in $30M in tourism dollars, that's still more than $17 to every $1 the State spends.
Check my public education math skills for me. I think that's right.
Show me (to steal their state motto) another investment that can give a return of 17 to 1.
And if Sir Lance decides to race in Missouri this year, look OUT. Those numbers will spike much higher.
Unfortunately, he'll have to make that announcement in the net few days because it sounds like Governor Nixon is about to kill the Tour of Missouri after just two years on the map.
I missed the first Tour of Missouri for reasons I still can't remember. I worked at the 2008 event and found it to be a totally different feel than the Amgen Tour and the Tour de Georgia. This one was a great time with good crowds and great racing.
If I hear that St. Louis/Kansas City is bidding on the Super Bowl, I'm going to organize a march on Jeff City. Someone please tell them that cycling is the best bargain in sports.

What it was was softball.

2009-07-04T09:43:00.006-05:00

I was in a nondescript chain restaurant (that's redundant, I know) a few nights ago when a group of grown men came in wearing matching pajamas. Seriously, I thought they were PJs. As it turns out, they were softball uniforms.
For all the grief that Roadies catch for wearing what we wear, and we DO catch hell, softball uniforms are 100% dork-o-matic. Some of these guys had on what appeared to be sliding pads in the knees and thighs.
Sliding pads? Really? Are you Ricky Freaking Henderson tearing into second base? How fast are you going? 8?
They had numbers on their jerseys. As if remembering all 10 of their names would be impossible. As if their legions of fans would only be able to identify them out on the field by the number on their back. Because certainly, the guy with the big gut and the cigarette in his mouth could be any number of players. But the #10 on his back clears that up for us. It's Dennis.
I also believe that we should test them for Performance Enhancing Drugs such as Motrin and Advil because I'll bet, if they're anything like their professional counterparts, that 90% of them are using.
They arrive at 7:3pm on Tuesday night and go through extensive preparation for their 8:00pm game. It consists of throwing the ball to another guy 10 or 12 times.
I'm sorry. Slo-pitch softball, as a game, is a great way to get out in the sunshine and have some fun. It's an easy game. There's nothing challenging about it. Even when the pitcher puts a diabolical spin on the ball when he pitches it underhand, it's still hit-able.\
I've played softball before, but I've never had trouble walking the next day.
The fact that grown ups still dress up and parade around in public in those ridiculous pajamas is the most astounding notion in sports, leisure, and recreation.
And I'm not so sure it fits in the sports category.

Middle of the Race

2009-06-20T07:20:00.003-05:00

What does it mean when you're well into a race and you think you're farther into it than you actually are?
Let me explain.
Thursday's race was a timed event lasting two hours. There was no visible clock telling us the current run time, just a guy standing at the S/F periodically holding up a sheet of paper at ten minute intervals. If you happen to be paying attention to it, you'll be hip to the amount of time remaining. However, I noticed that the guy only holds up the placard while the front of the pack goes by. By the time the back of the pack was going past him, he was tucking it back into the notebook (as if the pack of riders only had eyes at the front like it were a living animal, or as if the riders would share the information amongst the group). Now I'll admit that there were times during this race that I would be sitting at the back of the pack trying desperately to recover. It's not against the law to sit at the back. Don't give me grief about punching tickets, tail-gunning, carrying the lantern rouge, or otherwise sitting in. I was racing. Some.
Well, after a good bit of racing, I expected the time placard to tell us that we had about 20 minutes left. I mean, the sun was going down, it was getting late, I was completely knackered. It had to be almost over, right? So I was surprised (not pleasantly) to come through the S/F area and notice the placard: 60 minutes left! Holy crap!
So does this mean that I'm out of shape and struggling? In over my head? Or does it mean that time is twisted and distorted in a race?
I really hope it's the latter.

A Race Story

2009-06-02T21:39:00.006-05:00

A year ago, I was writing about the loss of a close friend, an insider, a real chew-the-fat kind of friend: my gall bladder. (You see, the gall bladder helps digest fat. Oh yeah, that's hilarious.)
This time around, I actually made it to the event and had a blast.
The Clarendon Cup on Saturday and the USAF Classic on Sunday.
Real quick story about the USAF event: you know when you see the Air Force jets do a fly-over precisely at the end of the National Anthem? How do they do that? Let me tell you. Once you know the time that the jet will hit "the mark", you back-time from there. Sound simple? Don't kid yourself.
Long story short, we nailed the fly-over. It was a beautiful thing. And the Air Force Memorial is worth visiting.
The OTHER event on the weekend was the Clarendon Cup in which the wildest story unfolded in the Pro race.
Chad Gerlach (whose story that you really need to hear) rolls off the front 6 laps into a 100 lap criterium. Nobody shows interest in chasing after him, so his lead grows quickly. Soon, he is closing in on the back of the pack, about to lap the field. If he makes contact with the field, he will most assuredly win the race.
The field reacts by turning up the speed. He starts losing his lead. He loses all but 10 seconds of his lead.
The field almost caught him. He relaxed but didn't quit. The field came close to catching him, and then they relaxed.
Gerlach stayed on it, and his lead grew again. Many laps later, he almost caught the field again - drawing to within EIGHT seconds of him. And once again, they accelerated away from him.
Once again, he was almost caught. Eventually 7 riders bridged across the gap to him. A few laps later, they looked like they were going to get caught.
They didn't get caught. They sprinted for the win. 36-year-old Gerlach (I hope you clicked on that link and watched his story), off the front of the bike race for 95 laps, sprinted for 6th place. It wasn't hard to find the "most aggressive rider" this day.
Lemond and Armstrong both had great comeback stories. But this one is pretty damn cool, too.

The Newest Flying Finn

2009-05-23T15:33:00.005-05:00

By now, you know I'm a homer for the Great Lake State. And I'm the Upper Peninsula's biggest fan.
So here's my latest Yooper discovery: a frame builder in Marquette of all places.
Matt "Palo" Palomaki studied Mechanical Eng. at
Michigan State working with MSU's Composite Research
Lab. He worked at the GM Tech Center in the exciting world of
Powertrain Design, Marketing and Calibration. After graduating 3rd in his class
he moved on to a cake job Nissan's Technical Center as a Powertrain Calibration
Engineer. And now he's building frames in the U.P. That's quite a jump.
I had some questions for him:

1. Did your family think you were nuts for leaving a job with Nissan to start a bike company?
Matt - Yes, everyone including me. My career at Nissan was moving along quite nicely. The company was great to work for and I really enjoyed my job. The pay was great and the job was very challenging. I even lived in Japan for 3 months (while I was engaged to Angela, now my wife) to be trained on emissions controls. Then about 2 months before my last day I received a promotion ahead of schedule. My last day at Nissan, I was shaking I had so much anxiety. I said to myself about a million times . . ."What the @#$% am I doing???"

2. What makes your bikes special aside from being born in the U.P.?
Matt - If you have been up to Marquette then you know there is something special about the area. When customers come up to take delivery of a bike we usually go out on the trails that I use to help design and test my frames. The south trails in Marquette are some of the best in the country. The biking guys up here that developed the trail system really deserve all the credit. I just feel fortunate to have such a great place to use for r&d. The other part of what goes into my bikes is SISU. This is a Finnish word that doesn't have an exact translation to English but can be summed up by combining English words such as determination, spirit, resolve, courage, persistence, guts, tenacity, mettle, stubbornness, steadfastness, and perseverance. Growing up, my best friend's grandmother referred to sisu as "more guts than brains" ....in a good way of course. At times having sisu in your blood can get you into trouble but when applying it to a positive outlet like framebuilding you can get some of the most beautiful bikes that are easy on the eyes. My whole life I have been applying the principles of sisu to different situations in my life. . .as a youngster I started racing BMX at age 10. I trained my but off . . . .I remember my parents driving me 30 minutes 5 times a week to train on the closest BMX track. The training/practice paid off and I became a state champ at age 12. Then in my junior year of high school I took X-country skiing more seriously and applied the principles of sisu to my training. It paid off as I skied to a MI High School State Championship. At Michigan State I studied my but off to graduate 3rd in my class. Which, I felt was a huge accomplishment due to the fact that 90% of my time and energy when into Formula SAE. My senior year at State our Formula Team finished 3rd at the World Championships and we won the Road and Track Competition. Then at Nissan I again used sisu as a model for my career. Now, I figure what better way to acknowledge my Finnish heritage than to place it on the downtube of every frame I make. Each and every frame that I craft has heart, sweat, blood (sometimes), tears (usually), and SISU ingrained into the cuts, bends, braze and welds . . .that is what makes my frames special.

3. What has been the single coolest moment/event/reaction since you've been making frames?
Matt - The moments that stand out in my mind are when I unwrap a prototype frame from the paint shop and complete the build. Hours, days, weeks and sometimes years go into developing new frames. Sometimes, an idea is spawned and I immediately bring it to production, but usually new ideas mean new designs, new tooling, test, design, test, design, test, etc. So, when I deliver the first new design to a customer and he or she sees it for the first time, their reaction is always burned into my memory. I love riding with customers when they are on the bike for the first time when they come to grips with the performance (which I pride myself on) of the bike. It is a true feeling of accomplishment....there is nothing like it.

4. Why name them after Marquette county roads?
Matt - The local roads in Marquette offer a lot to the bike culture here. You are either road biking on the roads or the trails are located off of some of the roads. It is a special feeling when you are rocking out a ride with a SISU 550 on the trails that the bike was named after. Recently I have expanded the names of my frames to include other landmarks near Marquette such as Hogsback, Huron, etc.

4a. When will the 553 be coming out? I used to live on that road.
You need to make a 'cross bike and name it "the Crossroads". (<--- yes, that's me telling the locals what to do. Nice. Anyway, the Crossroads is literally just an intersection that everybody knows.)
Matt - The 553 is in the works. Its a 26" MTB full suspension with Reynolds 953 Stainless tubing. Yes the "Xroads" is definitely in the running for a cross frame. I'm diligently working to release a few cross frames this summer before the season starts.

5. What's your top speed coming down the hill by Marquette Mountain? (a mile long descent that appears out of nowhere inspiring the remark "I didn't know Michigan had hills that big."
Matt - I don't descend very well on a road bike. Right now I am 145lbs ringing wet. Going up the hill is much more enjoyable for me; although, I wanted to test the torsional rigidity of 2010 FF1 (Flying Finn) carbon road frame and the Marquette Mountain hill is the best place to do it when there is a strong swirling wind. I think I hit around 50mph by sprinting all out off the top and then going into a tuck. Turns out the bike is crazy stiff . . . 30% stiffer torsionally than last years FF1 and 25% stiffer in the bottom bracket.

6. Is there a name for that hill? (I've always called is Marquette Mt. There used to be graffiti on a rock at the top that read "Are you saved?" warning all those who descend too fast, I guess.)
Matt - The ski hill. This is where I do most of my hill workouts. I either do repeats on the road or up the service road on my mountain bike. Either is pretty tough. . .I would say the road is tougher in the spring because you can't bike on the shoulder due to the sand. This year a some dude in a truck ran me off the road, into the sand and almost hit me. I learned something really quick. . . for some reason 23c tires don't track well through 3" deep sand.

7. Where can people find you?
Matt - http://www.sisucycles.com

8. Give me your best Pasty recipe. What's it got in it?
Matt - I'm not much of a cook. I have 2 favorite pasty places in town. Lawrys and Jean Kays. If your in Marquette and want a pasty go to one of these places. WARNING: Eat pasties after the race and not before.

So here's a guy who saw a different life. Grabbed it. Left the corporate world behind. Moved to the ocean shore (Lake Superior). Now he's setting his own hours and doing what he wants to do. And he's making cyclists happy.
That's pretty freakin' cool.

Tour de Libraries

2009-05-16T08:56:00.003-05:00

Last weekend, the Michigan Notable Book program sent me to far off foreign lands to speak at libraries about Roadie - The Misunderstood yadee yada yada. As you can imagine, it's a bit of a dream assignment: stand in front of people and talk about bike racing.
The far off foreign lands weren't that foreign, to me anyway. Grayling, Escanaba, and Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan. You'll have to look them up on Google maps. They aren't the most popular cities in America, but I'd rather live in any of them than, say, Atlanta, San Diego, Seattle, Austin, or any of the hot spots. Three well-kept secrets kept out of the public eye because they're too far north and too cold for most.
Grayling has quite an outdoor sports scene going on. The Soo is so cool that one country couldn't hold it; it covers both sides of the border (that's a hint to you as to where it is). Escanaba is the least popular cool town on Lake Michigan.
Each library in each town rolled out the red carpet with spreads of food, displays of cycling stuff, and attentive audiences who asked a million questions about this quirky sport of ours.
My observations:
- there are a lot more knowledgeable cycling fans out there than we know.
- cycling attracts many different types of people - gear heads, speed freaks, pain mongers, etc.
- the Soo has an enthusiastic little cycling scene that is all heart. On Saturday morning, they held a short 12.7mile time trial to match the prologue of the Giro d'Italia. Had I not bent my chainring the day before, I would have ridden it and gotten my but kicked.
- there are cyclists in Escanaba cut off from civilization who were starved for stories from the outside world.
- the U.P. would be a great place for a short stage race.
I was particularly pleased to hear one library volunteer along the way say that she came expecting the topic to be boring. She's seen a lot of lectures on a million topics, and she thought cycling would be dry and boring. It can be (if you talk about mountain biking), but this is road cycling. And it's anything but boring.
A mighty big thanks to the three libraries and communities for coming out to support the Michigan Notable Tour. I hope they enjoyed their events!
My next trip to the U.P. is for the Superior Bikefest in Marquette in late-June. If you're within a day's drive, get there.

Sault Ste Marie Tour Stop

2009-05-09T08:10:00.005-05:00

Just a quick shot or two of the marquee in downtown Sault Ste. Marie. I'm here as part of the Michigan Notable Book tour, and this is what greeted me as I rolled into a town that most people can't find on a map:

A sure sign that cycling has gone mainstream.
More stories to come of the entire Michigan Notable Book tour.
Right now, I'm off to explore the U.P.

Here's What We Did

2009-05-02T07:19:00.005-05:00

In an effort to help you sort through your identity crisis, I've teamed up with the folks in the marketing department at VeloPress to develop a personality test available on FaceBook.
Just click on the link at the end of this post.
This will solve a lot of mysteries that have no doubt swirled about your head for years. I'm just glad I could help you find out who you really are.
What you do with the information is, of course, up to you. I suggest you take the results to your nearest LBS (Local Bike Shop) and do what comes naturally: buy the corresponding bike.
I also suggest you share it with all of your non-cycling friends in order to help THEM get the answers they seek.
It's really easy to take the test - especially if you're already on FaceBook.
If you're NOT a member of the FaceBook world, how on Earth do you answer these compelling and insightful questions:
Which Designer Handbag are you?
Which Brady Bunch family member are you?
What are your top five favorite fast food restaurants?
Which molecule are you?
What five towns have you lived in?
See? Your life is in total disarray, and the road to clarity starts with finding out which cycling personality you are.
Now go! You have discoveries to make!
Click here!

100 Sundays

2009-04-26T16:06:00.008-05:00

This is a story of commitment and dedication.
There always needs to be someone who gets the ball rolling. There always has to be that person who sticks with an idea and makes it happen. Hopefully you know who that person is where you live. Here in Michigan, that person is Paul Alman.
It was a simple idea in 1984: set up a criterium (Chapter 12 p. 143) course on four Sundays in April and let bike racers race. Let them get ready for the season. Use it to train young riders. No prize money, just a crack house for addicts like us.
It has become a springtime tradition. It's where riders and families re-connect after a winter in hibernation. It's where you test your fitness level against other racers. Sometimes you come to the Ann Arbor STS (spring training series) raging, and other times you come hoping to simply not get dropped. There are similar series elsewhere in the country, but this is not about the series but the person who has stood out there rain or snow or shine flipping the lap cards, ringing the bell, and orchestrating the whole thing. Yes, it takes a team, but there needs to be a leader.
25 years later, Paul is still the guy ringing the prime bell, counting the laps, handing out the primes, and deflecting the credit to everyone else.
There were some Sundays when Frankie Andreu would come home from the Spring Classics campaign fresh off a ride at Paris-Roubaix.
There were some Sundays when snow and cold chased the weak into the basement.
There were some Sundays that felt like the Tour de France.
And perhaps best of all there were a bunch of junior racers who were given the chance to try the racing world in a nurturing environment. Many of them are still in the sport today doing quite well.
All from a simple idea that someone continued to back up with action for 100 Sundays.
Well, he finally decided to pass the torch to someone else and go on to other pursuits. (His wife, Mary, will finally be able to do fun things on Sundays in April. And she'll get to take him along!) So we hung around after the race on Sunday, ate all of the Ann Arbor Velo Club's food, drank all of the Ann Arbor Velo Club's beverages, and saluted Paul. Here's a photo of him addressing and thanking the troops.

Paul, for those of you who are interested, is also the guy who gave me my first announcing job. Back in 1985, he let me set up a sound system and yammer for a couple of hours while the races were going on. The next year, he paid me $50 to do it.
And 17 years later, he was the first one to read my rough draft of Roadie (all 500 pages of it - really rough), and was the first to say it had potential. In fact, he might have been the only one to say that.
And he once gave me some of the best advice that I use to this day. "Never say no." When given a chance to do something, do it. That simple advice has lead to some great adventures, and has never landed me in jail.
So before he shuffles off to his other pursuits, I needed to thank him as publicly as this blog would allow.
As I said, hopefully you know who that person is where you live. Hopefully there's some of that in you.

A Lot of Jumping to Conclusions

2009-04-21T19:56:00.005-05:00

Let's look at the basics of this Theo Bos debacle: what cyclist of ANY experience level would be so stupid as to throw another rider to the pavement at 35mph into their own path? I refuse to accept the notion that he did it with intent to take the Yellow Jersey out of the race. Absurd. Put yourself in his position and imagine how desperate you'd have to be. You can't do it, can you?
Bonehead move? OK, I'll buy that. I've seen plenty in my years in the sport. Most of them were just bad judgement in a panic situation. But there have been some mean-spirited acts on bikes: I remember a rider grabbing Tim Swift's brake lever during a crit in Grand Rapids. It sent Swifty right over the bars and the rider kept going. Or in Pittsburgh in 1994, Paul Curly standing in the middle of the course swinging a broom at Graham Miller. Or Gaggioli swinging a barricade at Jeff Hopkins in Anniston AL. And those are just the races that I was AT. Those were mean boneheaded moves.
Bos had nothing to gain from taking Impey to the pavement. Nothing worth risking a broken neck of his own. But everyone is calling for harsh penalties for him. Bob Roll wants a one year ban. Some have said a lifetime ban.
But with the basic idea of self-preservation in mind and that no one ever WANTS to crash, I look at the situation again with Theo Bos putting his hand on Daryl Impey's back during the final sprint in the Tour of Turkey. And the ensuing misfortune.
Watch it. The crash happens at 3:30 or so into the clip.

I posted the longer version of this sprint because it's important to see how much side to side movement there is in this sprint, and it's amazing how relentless the final kilometers of a bike race are.
What's most interesting about the rush to judgement is that most of the action takes place OUTSIDE of the viewing area. We can't see what's happening to Bos' bike.
i see a rider in a sprint putting his hand on another rider. Bad move. But one that you can get away with without incident 99% of the time. I've had people touch my hip during races. I sometimes wonder if they're coming on to me.
Bos' problem is all that side to side motion, and he picked the wrong time to do it. Bam Boom Crash, a ride in the ambulance.
Robbie Hunter says "braking is 1st human reaction!". Not if you're a track rider which Bos is. What brake is he used to reaching for?
I guess I'm just amazed at how many people are quickly frying the guy before all evidence is in. Perhaps in a deathbed confession, Bos will say, "I meant every bit of it." but I doubt it.

A Different Tour de Georgia

2009-04-13T19:38:00.004-05:00

Note: Depending on where you fall on the Sports Fan Continuum, this post may be right up your alley or it might bore the pants off you. If it's the latter, send photos.

Augusta National, Saturday April 11th, 3rd round of The Masters.
Through a very generous friend I made during the Tour de Georgia in 2004 (and 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008), I was able to obtain badges to The Masters golf tournament. If you’re on the far end of the continuum and have no interest in the topic, keep reading. This isn’t about golf.
It’s also not about the +1600 miles of driving to get there and back. I would have driven farther.
It’s about reaching a higher level of whatever.
A lot is made of the beauty of the Augusta National course as if that’s why the event is so special. Or that the field of players is the best in the game. It’s a beautiful place, certainly, and the field is amazing, but there’s more going on here.
I walked around for a couple of hours taking it all in, looking at the famous sights I had only previously seen on TV, and thinking that I was getting it all. It's an exquisite scene that's quite different from other major events.
Let me rattle off some cool things that I noticed:
- you will not pay $6 for a Pepsi and $8 for a brat. You will pay $2.50 for a cola and a homemade sandwich wrapped in a baggie.
- you won’t see sponsorship logos plastered all over every flat surface. There are none.
- when a player steps up to their ball, you will hear 20,000 people go absolutely silent.
- the course is beyond imagination.
Those were my initial impressions.
A friend of mine met us at The Old Oak Tree at 2pm. (That’s where you plan to meet up with people because it’s the easiest landmark to find, and since we don’t have phones we just had to plan ahead and be there.) He stepped out of the Clubhouse right at 2p, and I’m glad he did because he said something that really made me look deeper into the experience.
He said that “this” (pointing to the event) is what mankind aspires to be. And he’s right.
You don’t see it on TV.
TV will show you a skewed glimpse of the event and a flattened view of the course.
Beyond TV, The Masters is unlike any other sporting event – even other golf tournaments. It writes its own rules and sells out to no one.
The grounds are immaculate. The workers are friendly. The Patrons are polite. Everything is in its place and well done.
My deeper look into things revealed more:
- you will never be greeted by a tired and ornery volunteer. You will be greeted with a smile and a warm friendly comment by a respectful helper – even at 4pm after a long day on their feet. "How are you today? Where are you from? Are you having a nice time?"
- you will not deal with drunk patrons making a scene. They’re ushered out. (I pity the guy in the bunker on 17.)
- you won’t step around trash, nor will you see over-stuffed trash bins. You’ll see friendly workers diligently keeping the place spotless.
- you will sit next to people from around the world who are as interested in you as they are in the game, and as interested in the game as you are.
- you will place your chair next to your favorite green or fairway, and walk away knowing that people may sit in it while you're gone, but they'll politely vacate it with a pleasant comment when you return.
- you will shoot knowing looks at other first-timers who also "get it".
- you won't have loudspeakers telling you when to cheer. You won't have digital scoreboards telling you to "mAkE sOmE NoIsE!" You'll find knowledgeable fans paying attention to the field of play and recognizing great moments on their own.
- you won't see heavy-handed security details standing between you and the action; you'll see older gentlemen in green coats asking you to hold still for a moment while the golfers pass by.
If mankind aspires to be a beautiful place where people respect all that's around them, act with dignity, move with grace, and treat each other with genuine concern, then my friend was right.
Now if we could just spill that outside the fences of the golf course...

Now I Remember

2009-04-04T07:58:00.003-05:00

Though i wrote a book extolling the many great things that cycling is, there are a few things that I find to be a pain:
- packing the car..... I know I'm going to forget something [probably shoes], so I have to run through the bag a million times to make sure I've got everything, and it's got to be in the right place.
- driving the car to the race ..... I would have ridden to today's race had there not been a 30mph headwind all the way there.
- getting dressed in the car ..... My shorts felt like they were on backward. It took me 10 minutes to get them back into the right position.
- loading the car to come home .... I'm less particular about packing when I leave the race site. You know that scene at the U.S.Embassy in Saigon in 1975 with the helicopters on the roof? That's how I leave a bike race.
(Funny, idnit? that all four of those whines involve the car?)
So what do I love about bike racing?
Speed.....Going really fast in a pack of riders. It's hard to describe the feeling of blazing down the backstretch inches away from the other riders. And then you look up ahead and see the front of the field making the turn that is still 200 meters away from you. And you see how fast they're going, and you think "Holy shit, they're flying." And then you realize that you're flying too because you're connected to that train. And being at your limit at moments like this and having the dread fear of seeing a rider in front of you give up, slow down, and open up a gap in that train in front of you that may be impossible to close. And you want to yell at that rider, but you know it won't help, and you'll need that energy to close it, so you keep your mouth shut.
Strange conversations..... last week, at 30mph, I was discussing a new recycling program with another rider for about a lap and a half. "So, did you get your new bins yet?"
Sounds ..... when people aren't talking about recycling, the bike race makes some pretty cool sounds. For some reason, you can't get those sounds during a Tuesday training ride.
Food ..... does this require an explanation, really?
OK, so until next week: Enjoy the snow. You know i'll have something to say about that!

Got Away With It

2009-03-27T16:38:00.003-05:00

I will never send text messages while my car is in motion.
That's a fresh topic here in Michigan where a friend's brother was hit on Wednesday by a motorist who was texting her BFF. She never saw him, so she never hit the brakes, so she did a LOT of damage. As Scott listed all of Jeff's broken bones, the halo, the severed ear lobe, the turtle-shell harness, the punctured lung, and destroyed bike, I blanched. I've sent texts while driving. Never had a problem.
We've all done it. And we got away with it.
But honestly, who among us hasn't also looked up to discover that they missed a quarter mile of driving? How many close calls DON'T you know about? You don't know.
We got away with it.
Sure, the road may have been lightly travelled. But a lot can happen in a little span of time...somewhere between B, F, and F.
I hate to say it, but I don't hate cell phone users. They tend to be more cautious than normal, and they at least look in the general direction of the road. Autonomic behavior covers a multitude of sins in that regard.
But texting? As much as I'm a fan of the medium, I don't want to be the cause of someone's nightmare or my own. I'll wait 'til I'm stopped.
So that was my last one. I hope it was yours.
Deal?

March Madness

2009-03-22T09:33:00.003-05:00

We're at that point of the season where the race calendar is about to fire up, yet we're still wearing multiple layers of clothing. For me, this is the true March Madness. I'm sick of wearing a base layer and a wind breaker. I just want to wear the middle layer: a jersey. Not a thermal jersey, but just a regular jersey. I'll go with long sleeves if I have to, but Holy Jeebus! Enough already!
And gloves? Sick of them.
Glove liner? Ditto.
Tights? Lose these things.
Helmet liner? Done.
Shoe covers? Yuck.
And just like when we were kids, it never fails that as soon as you get all that crap on, you have to pee. So I spend the next 5 minutes getting the base layer back to where it was, then pull up the shorts over the base layer, then the tights up past the top of the short, then the jersey over the tights, then the jacket over all of it.
Then once I have it all in place, I go outside to find that it has now warmed up so that I don't need the base layer anymore, and that I should wear leg warmers instead of tights.
So I go back indoors and start again.
Finally ready, I head out. I get to the end of my street when the phone rings. I have to stop, lift up the jacket high enough to reach the back pocket (which it doesn't quite do), get the phone, take it out of the weather-resistant cover, take my gloves off.... shit, missed the call. Call John back and tell him that I'd be there by now if I didn't have to answer the damn phone!. Put it back in the bag, back in the back pocket, pull the jacket back down, gloves back on, and ride away.
Then 5 miles into the ride, I'm overheating! Jeebus! So I take the jacket off and try to stuff it into the jersey pockets which are too damn small AND are full of food for this death march.
By the time this ride ends (just before it gets dangerously dark), the temperature will have dropped 20 degrees, and I'll be a shivering lunatic as I roll back into my driveway.

Putting on a fake smile to make it all better, this is me trying to believe that it's really warmer than it is. It's not working.
But since racing begins next weekend, I know that every other cyclist in Michigan is out there turning thousands of miles. I have no choice but to fake it.
In my next life, I'll be a swimmer.

The Antler Man

2009-03-14T10:14:00.003-05:00

Bike Race Fans will recognize him immediately. Especially if he's wearing his horns and carrying his flag.
This is the guy who runs alongside the peloton wearing a helmet with an Elk rack on it.
I'll let you Google him: Dore Holte/Antler Man.
We saw him on the roadside in advance of the caravan. He was warming up. Brad and I stopped to ask him a few questions. Actually, we had several question for him, but it wasn't too far into his first answer that we noticed the sparks on the guardrail.

No further questions..
We drove on.

Caravan

2009-03-07T08:20:00.002-06:00

I think I've shown similar videos in the past, but it's worth showing again; it's a truly remarkable feat that plays out each day on the road during the Amgen Tour.
Remember that we're taking a sports stadium and stretching it across 100 miles of public roads. Press, teams, spectators, security, officials, VIPs, technical support, management, and the athletes rolling across the landscape in a blur of internal chaos. Orchestrated mayhem. Planned insanity. Any road race of any size at any level is a remarkable and dangerous feat, but this one is immense. This is Michigan Stadium on wheels. And it rolls like a train through major cities, rural outposts, and through mountain passes.
I can't say enough about the crew that makes it happen. And I can only give you a glimpse into the machinations that make it work. Take, for instance, the pre-race briefing:

Rider and spectator safety is the overarching priority. Then providing for a pure competition and a clean field of play for the race is the next step.
This is just a peak at what it looks like out on the road:

(That footage is from the 2007 Tour).
I hope that bike race promoters everywhere will take note of what's being done here. There's a lot to learn from watching this ballet. Come to Missouri in September and see for yourself.

Tour Humor

2009-03-04T15:35:00.002-06:00

The stage from Visalia to Paso Robles took us across the Central Valley which is where the crops are plentiful and the roads are laser-straight. We turned just 7 times in 100km. The course profile was drawn with a straight-edge ruler.
I couldn't wait to get to Paso Robles, but I'm glad I didn't take a short cut because I would have missed this.
Along the pancake-flat route, the routing crew which is responsible for placing temporary signs to direct the caravan and warn the riders had placed a sign along the road warning the riders of the hazzard ahead.

Some of the UCI officials were all a-tither on the radio talking about the sign and spent several minutes making it clear to everyone in the caravan that it was just a joke and there was not even a 2" rise or fall in the road. They kinda drained the humor out of what was obviously the funniest moment on the road all week.
I give great props to the Routing Crew for their comedic timing.

The Lance Factor

2009-03-01T08:03:00.009-06:00

They came from miles around to see Lance. They waited in the rain. They carried signs, photos, jerseys, and Sharpie pens hoping to get something signed. They followed him around corners and down alleys on the way to the team bus to catch a glimpse, say something to him, or just witness the spectacle.
There's no denying that he brought a lot of people out of their homes to see a bike race. But how many more people is he solely responsible for bringing to the race?
Everyone is saying that The Lance Factor (TLF) caused the crowds to double and triple at this year's Amgen Tour of California. I think that's an exaggeration. I'll agree that we had huge crowds throughout the 9 days, but I think too much is being made of TLF. Remember that we had Floyd, Fabian, Carlos, Tommeke, VdV, George, Dish, Levi, Thor, and a full list of A-list riders in the field. Being out on the entire route as Brad and I were with the Mobile PA-mobile,

(photo by BigJohn) We saw a more even number of supporters for all riders. For example, when we pulled up to a crowded intersection in the middle of nowhere, we'd see a combination of cycling fans and normal people stuck in traffic for the road closure. The cycling fans were holding signs in support of all riders. The normal people were just plain curious.
Granted, Lance did have his followers. Take a look at this video shot prior to the start of Stage Two in Sausalito. His army far outnumbers that of Garmin.

I really really wish I had grabbed some video of Lance's Army in Santa Rosa. They were very well-behaved and polite.
Here's a random picture taken from the stage prior to Stage 8 in Ranch Bernardo. We had crowds like this at every town we rolled through. But how do you determine how much of this is TLF? It's impossible to know, but the result of TLF will most assuredly be new fans. When people see this race caravan pass by for the first time, you can hear the collective gasp from the crowd. And you know they had no idea what to expect. The whoosh of the riders, the support cars, the motorcycles, the CHP cars, and the cloud of yellow chalk dust has a big impact on those casual visitors.
Look at this picture:
This was at the final stage in Escondido where Frank Schleck won in a two-up sprint. That's not just a Lance crowd. That's a huge crowd feeling the excitement of the bike race and going absolutely bonkers for it.
So let's thank Lance for bringing his people to the party, but know that it was a big party already.
I can't wait 'til next year with or without TLF.

TV Motos and TT holders

2009-02-26T21:20:00.003-06:00

Here are two very cool jobs that you would kill to have:
Job #1: Drive the moto that carries the Versus photographer at the Amgen Tour of California
Pros: you get the best seat in the house. You bump handlebars with the top name in cycling. You see every move, every counter, every chase, every catch, every damn thing. You have a major say in what people at home get to see.
Cons: Your passenger is top-heavy carrying that camera which makes it challenging riding, you ride rain or shine, you dread being the guy who causes a crash, and it takes weeks to readjust to normal moto riding.
Here's an interview with THE GUY.

Job #2: Hold the rider as they wait to start their time trial.
Pros: you are in everybody's photo, you are holding the saddles of Gods and Kings for 30 seconds.
Cons: a lot of standing, and a dread fear of being the guy who causes a rider to topple over.

Job #3 - Race announcer.
I can give you 32 reasons.
I'll cover this topic in the next post.

Ding

2009-02-24T20:57:00.004-06:00

I can't really explain the point of this post/video. I guess you just hadda been there.

The whole week was one magical thing after the next, and then it ended.
And that, my friends, is that.

CHP Marshals

2009-02-24T17:42:00.004-06:00

The AToC rolls down the road escorted by 10 CHP cars who help establish a presence for the race thereby preventing motorists from driving on the roads while the race is under way. Six patrol cars are in front, and 4 are behind. Our default position in the race caravan is somewhere between CHP's C2 and C5. Preferably in front of C3. We move around a lot, but this is where we like to return.
Now, the way they're lined up, C1 is about a mile out in front. The others are spaced at about 30 second intervals thereafter. So C2 is about 30 seconds behind. Then comes C3, then C4. The car driven by Patrolman Glen Glaser is C5. Then comes C6 which might have the most fun because he gets to ride right in front of the riders, and if there's a breakaway, he will move into the gap between the breakaway and the peloton leaving C5 as the car in front of the breakaway.
Confusing? You bet. And to add to the confusion, if the breakaway has more than a 2 minute lead, then they'll move C3 and C4 into the gap to help maintain the secure envelope. That's the ultimate goal.
So we're trying to key off of C2 and C3 always. And if they're gone (in the gap), we should know about it.
There are also four VIP cars, two MEDIA cars, several motorcycles, and a UCI car in this traffic jam in front of the race.
All the flashing lights make for quite a site coming down the road. There is no sneaking through town for this group.
But if you lose radio contact for some reason, as we did on Stage One, you can lose track of who is where.
And if you're busy playing to the crowds along the route as we were, you can miss the radio chatter, too.
This happened to us a couple of time in the first two days. We'd completely lose track of where C3, C4 and C5 were. And to make matters worse, they all look identical. So when C5 came up onto our bumper and hit the siren, we thought it was C3. Nope, C3 was gone. This was C5. We just about peed our pants. We could see the riders coming up behind us quickly. Close call.
And since we didn't want to be "that guy" who screws up the whole show, we had to find a way to prevent this from happening again. We had to find a way to identify C5 from further away.
Ready?

Of course, there were other episodes in which we found ourselves too close to the front of the race, but we stayed out of real trouble for the rest of the Tour.

Quick photo. And I mean QUICK.

2009-02-19T20:25:00.002-06:00

My old friend Gypsy runs the photo finish camera for the Tour. Here's a shot from the finish in Clovis yesterday. Very fast and very close.
Very cool.

Numbers

2009-02-19T08:10:00.002-06:00

It's common knowledge that the NFL inflates their economic impact numbers for the Super Bowl stating that it brings in $450-kabillion to the host city economy. So i wondered how the AToC handles this task. How do they get the information? How scientific are they? How hard would it be to just guesstimate?
I ran into a guy at the Start in San Jose. He was sampling the crowd and gathering information for the marketing arm of the event. I asked him ... because I knew you'd want to know.
Here is Armin Medina explaining some of the process:

So there you have it. The numbers aren't simply fudged. Not by his company anyway.
They take somewhere in the neighborhood of 1500 samples at the start and the finish venues each day. That number changes with the size of the crowd.
Speaking of crowds: Oakhurst, Mariposa, and Clovis were jaw-dropping in the number of people along the roads. I'm sorry we couldn't photograph it. We had our hands full with doing our job. Perhaps we'll try to capture the crowds on video later in the Tour.

California

2009-02-17T19:35:00.005-06:00

This is the Tour of California:
We have construction crews who get up at 3am and begin building the Start Venue from the ground up in the pouring cold rain. It's cold and windy, but the sound crews have to have the sound up and running two hours before the race begins. Construction crews at the Finish Venues will be working late into the night tearing it down. The local organizing committees have been working on their component of the event for the past 8 months hoping that their town provides a great venue for the race. The moto marshals are riding on slippery roads inches from disaster on twisting mountain roads. The course marshals will spend the entire day either crammed in a soggy van flying from intersection to intersection or standing in the rain keeping cars off the course. Local law enforcement agencies will stretch their resources across their entire jurisdictions doing the same thing. The TV crews and media will scramble to make deadlines. Even the local merchants have decorated their storefronts to celebrate the departure/arrival of the riders.
There are a thousand people traveling in this army, and countless volunteers in each town who put in long days to build the venue and protect the riders and public. There are no slackers in the organization. Each one of them will give their last ounce to make sure that this event goes as planned. And the planners have covered every angle.
When we roll into town with our Tour vehicles, people along the street smile and wave like little kids giddy with excitement. While driving to and from the venue, motorists honk and wave. It's impossible to comprehend how popular this event is. I never thought I'd see the day when farmers along remote country roads would stand next to the roadway waving flags and holding signs with the names of foreign riders. Or the tiny marching band of a tiny high school in a tiny rural town standing in full dress next to the road playing a song at full volume. Or the truckers at the intersection of two California highways smiling and waving and dancing as they wait for the race to pass by.
Yes, Lance is here. The Lance Factor is in full swing, but it's not quite the "inside-out" scene that I thought it would be. It's actually about the same size as it was last year. The only real difference is that the Astana team bus is surrounded by Lance Lovers.
The rest is just a cool event that will be over WAY too soon.

Give me 8 more days like this one.

2009-02-14T23:59:00.002-06:00

Prologue in Sacramento - The lucky arrow struck me in the forehead today as I was assigned the task of handling the Start of the Prologue TT while the A Team (Jeff and Dave) zoomed to the finish to catch the shooting stars.
Tip to announcers everywhere: If given the chance to introduce Lance, Floyd, George, Tyler, Levi, Fabian, Ivan, Carlos, and others, here's my advice: write it down and belt it out.
When given only 39 seconds to tell a story, you don't want to stammer, forget, get tongue-tied, or otherwise mess up the chance.
I took the time to write out their intros and rehearse them the night before because when it came time to deliver, I know I would have muffed it had I tried to wing it.
Here's what happens when you try to improvise an important event: as the seconds tick by, your mind races around trying to decide which of the million trivial facts you know about a certain rider is most important/pertinent/scintillating/exciting, and you wind up saying nothing.
For instance, I know a million little things about Floyd Landis. But what exactly do you want to say in 38 seconds when you have 10,000 people listening to you as he sits on his bike waiting for the start? Your job is to educate and incite, not show all you know about the guy. And not blather on.
Script it out. Don't leave it to chance.
Today was a blast for everyone in town. It was a cycling love-fest. There was such a buzz and such an aura surrounding the whole day. The entire crew is hoping for the next 8 days to be the same. Aside from the weather, i think it will be.
Tomorrow we head to Santa Rosa.
Wish you were here!

All Roadies are cheap.

2009-02-13T20:40:00.003-06:00

The race headquarters hotel charges $9.95 per day for Internet access in guest rooms. This offer, while tempting to someone with a corporate expense account, is not widely availed by the racing community. This is why we see a collection of top pro riders and staff members sitting in the hotel lobby where the wireless access is free.

After dinner, I'll shoot a photo of a large group of them. I promise there'll be several.

But first...

2009-02-12T07:59:00.007-06:00

How can you come to this part of CA during the week of the Pebble Beach Pro-Am and not sneak down to Monterey to catch some of the action? I can't.
From the practice round...

Or go just a few miles further to Pfeiffer Beach in Big Sur...

If the Amgen Tour is about generating economic impact in CA, then I'm doing my part.

Predictions

2009-02-09T06:57:00.003-06:00

The countdown to the Amgen Tour of California is finally in the single digits. Everyone on the Tour staff has been counting since about April. It finally hits you when you watch your local weather and realize that the 10-day forecast doesn't apply to you.
The Amgen Tour of California
Through various sources, I've been piecing together a pre-Tour prediction. By "various sources" I mean reading the patterns of the snow melting in my yard, reading the pattern of birds in flight over Rochester, MI, and the most reliable source I have: wild-ass guessing.
Here's what I see:
- I will gain 20 pounds riding in a car for 9 days eating Jelly Belly beans.
- Levi, who always comes to CA loaded for bear, will be the easy pick.
- Floyd, who has a huge axe to grind, will get little or no positive attention.
- Lance will suck all the air out of the state.
- Ivan Basso will be invisible. Ditto Sastre.
- Fabian Cancellara will come close, but fall short.
- BMC will steal some headlines as they did last year with crazy-long breakaways.
- Crowds will be mind-bogglingly huge throughout.
And when it's over, the countdown will begin again.

I'll be traveling with my camera documenting the scenes-behind-the-scenes. And if I can find a wireless signal in this backwoods pitiful low-tech state, I'll post frequently.
Check back soon!

More on Winter and the prospect of it ending.... sometime.

2009-01-30T12:23:00.002-06:00

In the previous post, I wondered why more people don't XC ski. Well, apparently there is more rant left in that pen.
A few more observations about winter:
- weather forecasters on the local TV affiliates are complete idiots. They feign apology for "more snow on the way", as if A. they have anything to do with it (they WISH they had such powers), and B. everyone in their viewing audience is disappointed to hear that winter will stick around a few more days. The nerve of winter staying... through all of January.... in Michigan.
There is so much to do in the winter, but they totally focus on the negative.
Drives me crazy.
- I have two weird feelings about the approaching end of winter:
1. I'm never ready for the intensity of bike racing season. It's the same feeling most people get on the last Sunday night of vacation when they know they have a hard work week ahead of them. Ugh. But in this case, it's worse because I know - or at least assume - that everyone else has been hitting the gym/rollers much harder than I. At least that's what they've been saying on their facebook status: "Bob McCooty is getting ready for 6 hours on the trainer." to which someone replies: "You're an animal, Bob!"
I lasted 10 minutes on my trainer last night. I'd rather drink pig urine.
2. The same melancholy feeling that comes when the first chilly winds blow in September and October comes to me in February when the ski trails are like velvet and I'm skiing in a t-shirt. "This ain't gonna last much longer." So you stay out there until the last light is gone from the sky, and you go home and try to remember where you stored your summer clothes.
So while everyone tries to find a new way to voice their hatred of winter, I'm on the other side of the street not ready to put the skis away for the next 10 months.
And oddly - talk about conflicted - I can't wait to get to California.